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I like to perform oral and I really enjoy large breasts. Email me a pic and lets get the ball rolling 3) A shoulder to rest on when tired or just need to relax 4) Someone not seeking for today, tomorrow or next month, but seeking for forever.
You can just lay back an enjoy your self. I've been described as thick in the right places so please be attracted to that body type so that we both feel comfortable and have the great experience possible (its no fun if there isnt a mutual attraction. You're my friend's wife, and I want to fuck you. Im waiting for a (real) good woman someone with their head on straight that still understands what honestyloyalty and being trustworthy means.
It was always really clear. So it was always really cool, never an issue. Although, I do remember getting in trouble for wearing a giant, dinner-plate-sized New Kids On The Block pin in my school pictures. No, everything was always cool because my sister, who was in the grade ahead of me, was really popular. So the guys who might have tortured me, she was hanging out with them. She was really popular.
It was a great place to grow up. It was the beach, in Florida, where I went to high school. Our school even had a surfing team. And I worked at a bakery that was owned by a lesbian. She was sort of my surrogate den mother for all things gay. Ummm… Shit, I remember being 5, playing dress up with my sister, and my cousin. Plus she was fucking Batman, so….
I mean I got into a fight with my mom once because she took my away tweezers. They were way too thin! She just had my best interest at heart. My sister was awful in the ways of beauty and glam. She wanted to be a sports therapist at the time, so she was taping up ankles and things like that. On the show, Ru referred to my look as sort of a slutty celebutante. I also never wear black — I wear color. I think black is like a drag queen default. As a guy, I wear black all the time. But in drag, I hate it.
There are so many more interesting things to do, you know? I never really studied, I took a class a couple of times, because my aunt paid for it.
It was a Christmas present, she has an Emmy, and she really wanted me to do it. But I never wanted to learn monologues that I never was going to perform, you know?
My thing was, I always wanted to be famous, but I never really knew how, and acting was just the easiest way, because it got me on TV. So I just kept doing it and I happened to be good at it. The people at World Of Wonder actually called my manager to ask me if I would audition, so I made a tape. My very first appearance on tv was this game show called Street Smarts when I was But my first guest appearance on anything was when I did two episodes of The District, and Jaclyn Smith was my attorney.
I played a street hustler named Darren who got arrested, kissed a cop, got beat up. He was wrestler-sized with a bad wig!
Laughs They told me not to talk to her! You need, like, ten years to cook! It was a pretty good part, I had two scenes, and laughs I get a check from it almost every day!
It was a very high-grossing movie. Those blockbusters really make you money! I pretty much liked everybody!
They had a talent producer who was really significant in instigating it — she was the one who told the story people about the whole boogers and heathers thing. She actually kept me from walking off the show during the second episode, after the first time I broke the rules.
She refused to give me her phone to call the producer. After the show aired of course, I told her that in my presence, she would never pay for a drink!! She knew me before the show, and I think she was the one that got World Of Wonder to call me, after having seen me perform, although the World Of Wonder people were already aware of who I was. That was my first job with W. I represent talent — I am basically the middleman between clubs and people who take off their clothes for money.
That is not surprising at all! A lot of reality television people as well. Yeah, I found a niche and I filled it! On the first episode!
There was dead silence, none of the girls said anything, but a couple of seconds later, they all slowly looked over, as if no one wanted to do it when I said it.
No one liked me at the beginning! How about we call ourselves the non-winners? Well, I read the first three pages of Dianetics, and there are some good tenets in Scientology about negativity and all that stuff!! It was kind of ironic that every time she thought she was so right was when she was the most wrong.
She made her bed, and she knew what she was doing all along. Sharon told me later that Phi Phi just looked up to the ceiling as if holding back tears. But she knew what she was doing. She was premeditated in her actions and in her words. She meant to fuck with people! Trying to get Latrice to mess up the challenge so I could get kicked off!
I know… that was an accident! Sometimes it was for the benefit of all the girls, like we got treated better, you know? No way, no how. You can take from that what you want! I would never do that! Look, basically, there were rules I broke that were trivial, and there were rules I broke that were major, but I was definitely receiving conjugals!
And that was a violation of our non-disclosure agreement. For those of you who have no idea, it is very difficult to sit, let alone eat, with a corset pinching in your torso several inches, and so sometimes in order to eat, some of us would get out of our corsets, after spending all morning getting into drag.
I was making sure that all my bases were covered — I wanted to get kicked off! Phi Phi had a phone, which was against the rules. And production was very aware that Phi Phi had a phone. Multiple girls had their phones. A lot of girls had weed and a lot of girls had phones. There was also a pay phone downstairs that girls were sneaking down to use!
She and I share a manager, and he asked me if I could pick her up, and since I was driving a few of the other girls as well, I figured why not. There was a skit planned with me for the New Now Next awards that I learned two pages of dialogue for, and it all got cut! But other than that, fuck no.
I was doing a show off-broadway by that point! It was called Jersey Shoresical. And we won the Fringe Fest Audience Award. Chi Chi LaRue is directing that. Eddie Murphey is such a versatile performer. But John Nelson Reilly is a big one for me — he was a musical type of man, who did a lot of variety shows. Tuesday Weld is like my career epitome. She was this gorgeous woman who fucked all of the rat pack during the 60s, she wore amazing clothes, she was a variety show guest performer, she acted a little bit, she sang, she did theater.
Tuesday Weld is a great example of someone I could model my career after… Except for fucking my way to the middle. Yeah, fucking my way to the top! Umm, Pretty much, although I did live in Florida for junior high and high school. My dad worked for the Space Center.
First time in full drag, I was My dad took me to see Rocky Horror Picture Show. Leigh Bowery, and RuPaul. And Divine, because I was heavier as a kid. I think it was a vicodin. I have a wish list of people that will probably never happen!
Maybe it's an outlet. But they are far more inclined to drop hints about risky behaviors on FB, instagram, etc, then they are to write it all out.
But for the most part, don't be sneaky about reading it. And do so with the promise that conversations resulting from reading will be handled calmly and with concern, since this is the reason for reading in the first place.
IF you are a parent that struggles with "teen behaviors" and wonders where the line of "normal" is, get some support around that. You don't have to like every choice your teen makes, but if that choice isn't dangerous, illegal, or against your values and rules, let it go. Good for you Anon, for doing what you knew was the right thing and not letting the cycle repeat itself! I partially agree with you.
My issue is, no matter how good you are at monitoring your kids rooms, journals, devices, they will always be better at keeping things hidden from you. Back in the 80's M. My mother blocked the channel. My brother and I wired the receiver through the VCR and watched it anyways. My mother confiscated some of our cassette tapes after she learned how sexual and violent some of the lyrics were.
My brother and I had friends copy the tapes over "acceptable" tapes. Kids today will have 2 e-mail accounts, one that their parents monitor and the one you don't know about. The same goes for Facebook. You can by a cell phone with prepaid talk and texting and a camera at any gas station for 15 bucks. My 12 year old nephew knows how to disable software designed to monitor all activity on a computer. I agree with you that kids have no "rights" to privacy until they are on their own but I worry about parents who think that monitoring their kids in this way can replace ongoing honest communication about issues.
I had no idea how to make safe responsible choices for myself because I was never given that opportunity. Thank God I never got seriously hurt or in trouble. I have been reading your blog for some time now and don't usually comment, but I must comment on this You are a responsible parent and I applaud you! He is about to turn 16 and if I asked him for his cell phone right this minute, he wouldn't even think twice before handing it right over and even showing me how to access something.
We need to be involved as parents. There is a reason that people can't make major decisions until they're I'm not sure if you read all of your comments if you do, WOW, more applause , but I hope you don't take the negative ones to heart and keep right on parenting! This one kind of has me conflicted.
I think because to me and just by perception is that it comes across angry. When it comes to social media my view is that if you're sharing crap with the world rather through Facebook, tweets, texts, snapshot, crap I don't even know exists yet then it's open season and I need to see it too.
But-the journal is where I come up short. A journal is where you share your inner most thoughts, dreams, hurts that you would be embarrassed to share with others. It's the place you vent or cry or privately celebrate something very personal. Having someone read my journal, to me, would be the equivalent of having someone watch me undress.
Short of suspecting a serious problem where I was at my wits end and thought I had no other way to connect with my son and that harm was going to come to him, I don't think I could bring myself to cross that line. And I think that's where I come back to the angry side of this article. Saying that kids have absolutely no expectation of privacy is a very strong statement.
You do clarify that they can dress and bath privately so obviously there is some privacy expectations but that gets a little lost.
Yes they are just kids but thee are still trust issues and choice issues there that I don't think come across in your writing. Yes, as an adult you had to pee in a cup to get a job, but as an adult you felt safe in deciding whether or not that was something you were willing to do for a job.
I sound like I'm coming across as a hippie dippie parent which is very far from the truth but I felt like your article pushed me into that corner while trying to understand your position no flames intended just trying to share a calm reaction. I think it's about balance in parenting, which from all your other blogs you totally clearly have so maybe it was just i had a strong reaction to or maybe your writing also reflected some of the defensive side that those trolls at huff post bring out from underneath their rocks.
Parenting is about finding that line and having to cross back and forth over it while you try to find the approach that works for your kids. Fuck, I wrote a lot. Sorry for hogging your comment section. I have to say that I agree with you. My parents nosed into my business, and they found out that I was suicidal. If they hadnt been nosey, I might not be here right now. AND, look at the way so many kids act these days. You cant just get into an argument, or a fist fight anymore. Kids are killing each other.
They're getting worse every day!!! Maybe if the boy who killed all those people at the movie theater, had had his stuff nosed into, his parents would have known they were raising a psychopath, and could have gotten him some help. I dont know, I dont see anything wrong with it. And if theyre not doing anything wrong, than it shouldnt be an issue. Technically speaking, the only right to privacy we have is from the government.
You're the perfect parent. One of these days you child will come to you and tell you that they love you and that you were right all along Keep setting that great example!
We keep close tabs on my stepdaughter's Facebooking and she knows that her dad has the ability to go online and see all of her text messages, even ones deleted out of her phone, any time he wants to there's an app for that! But we leave her paper journal alone.
Kids get angry and want to say horrible things, and they should have a space to do so without consequences. It's a lot cheaper than therapy. Wow, do I disagree. I think everyone is entitled to a right to privacy, including children.
I don't think it's absolute, and I think it should vary according to age, the person, other things going on, but to say "no right to privacy" doesn't resonate well with me. I have no interest in telling anyone how to parent and I come from a place of assuming that we're all doing what we consider the best for our families and children.
But one thing I know is that everyone seeks out privacy. And if a mom is reading her teenage daughter's diary, you better believe that daughter has a secondary real diary that the mom doesn't even suspect exists. Yes to all this! There was no privacy when I was a teen. And we knew that, and we accepted it. I took away my child's under 10 door a week or so ago as a reminder that he is not to hide from me. That he is part of this family. And the could would be becuase of something pointing me to that.
Phone, ipod etc when he gets them will be for MY convinence. He will know that at any moment they can and will be looked it. I just dont like how you love me sometimes" I know kid I just pray that in 20 years you'll get it too: I completely agree with what you wrote. But, I read the article on Huffpo and my first thought was that I couldn't believe she posted photos of the diary. A child can't always expect privacy from a parent, but does that mean that private thoughts should be declared to the world?
The author had concerns about what her daughter was writing, she found out that she didn't need to be concerned, end of story. Share it with the child's father, fine. But the entire internet? I think that is a violation of privacy. The one time my husband peeped my stepdaughter's diary, she was about 7. She had written a whole entry about how much she looked up to her stepmom, the liar. She said she might want to be a liar herself one day, because of my example.
My husband about pissed himself laughing. Gratified as I was that she thought so highly of me, we did find a way to subtly let her know that it is l-a-w-y-e-r. I'm an equally horrible mother. To the extent that, when we moved into this house I did not notice there was a privacy lock on my older 8 son's bedroom door. He got a warning the first time he locked it. The second time, he lost his door for a week. There is no reason in the world for kids to have secrets from their parents as long as they are living under the parents' roof.
That I won't judge. I may be disappointed, but I won't get mad. I may raise my voice, but I will never stop loving them. So far, so good. To the point that they came to us after they were molested by an older child. They don't have to like you, but they will always love you, discipline, embarassment, humiliation and all. Thought provoking and helpful: I have a teenager who will soon go off to college.
I am a "helicopter" parent to a certain extent but this particular kid has never shown that I can NOT trust him.
He got an amazing college scholarship, comes home when I ask notice I said "ask" him rather than "tell" him- which wasn't always the case and knows that I am his facebook "friend" but don't routinely post on his wall or become too involved in the dialogue there. I may comment that so-and-so sure used some colorful language or whatever I don't censor his video games as I once did I refused to buy him violent games when he was too young to buy them himself and I explained why or his musical choices which are incredibly varied EXCEPT when his 11 year old sister is in the car.
He is going thousands of miles away for college so he will need to continue to make good choices in my absence I will certainly hope and pray for and encourage this. Different kid, different strategy! I agree and disagree. I think that if you are a super snoop this coming from having a mother who was , and if you make that aware to your kids or even worse, you don't tell them, and then find out through a lovely confrontation about some issue - they'll just become a pro at hiding it from you.
It's what i did. I say, keep some privacy and respect, and keep an open flow of honest conversation between parents and kids. My twins are 18, I will always have the right to look through their things, ask whatever question I want, I am their facebook friend, I know their passwords and may ask to see their phones at anytime.
My daughter who is away at college has to contact me if she takes any car trips over 20 miles, she has to also tell me when she gets there and when she arrives back at the dorm. We speak around 5 times a day, sometimes I call her, sometimes she calls me. Her roommate speaks to her Mom about once a month--WTF. She is not resentful at all. She knows that I am out here caring about her. My favorite blog post ever written in the history of the world.
I tell my kids all the time, this is not a democracy! I'm the author of the HuffPo article, and my daughter knows the pictures and the story are on the internet. She's happy with it, and even wants me to put photos of her other diary on it. Well my computer went nuts and posted over and over! I am so sorry. Hopefully this only appears once! Until the day they pack up their things and make that trek into the great, big world, it's my job to protect them using any and all tools and information at my disposal and that's what I'm going to do.
Privacy isn't a right. It's a rite of passage. Like respect, you earn your right to privacy. Until then, the freedom of information act is in full force in my house. Great, great post, Jen. My mother read the HELL out of my diary. I don't resent her for that. She was able to help me talk out some things when she did read something worrisome. I'm thankful she read it, as I had just been embarrassed and thought she wouldn't understand. If there's true openness in a relationship, then you won't give a flying rat's ass if your husband reads your email.
I had a mom who read my diary, knew where I was, questioned, looked, knew knew knew. And ya know what? I did fine in college. Reading emails, tweets, and texts isn't going to stifle a kid.
Not allowing them to do anything is where the "sheltered" kid winds up experimenting BIG time. I pay the bills. They are not adults. The human brain is not fully developed until they are 22 years old. Time and time again, I see parents mourning a child who committed suicide because a photo they took and sent to someone online, or in a text, is used to hurt them, blackmail them, etc. If parents knew what their children were doing and sending, then maybe some of that could be prevented.
If parents knew their 12 year old daughter was on a chat room online with people she doesn't know, don't you think they'd want to tell her what a horrible idea sending a picture of her boobs to some sick fuck would be???
And yet, clueless parents in Canada lost their daughter because this pervert used those pictures, over and over again, to torment her. If they had known she was in such chats, and put a stop to it, she'd most likely still be alive. The stakes are different now. Ask your state's attorney's office. They advise parents to check, and check often.
And it's not just to protect them from others - it's to prevent them from committing crimes. Crimes for which the parents i. Until they're paying their own bills, I think I'll protect them, and me, from mistakes that are so much bigger and wider reaching than the ones I made at their ages. I don't mean this in a disrespectful tone at all; I just want to share my experiences growing up in a privacy-free home. My parents raised me under a veritable iron fist of control. They went through my room, read my notebooks and diary, listened in on my phone calls, and basically monitored my every move.
They pre-assumed I was untrustworthy, because "kids lie all the time" and after awhile, I began to believe they must be right. I didn't have a great self-image. I just figured that since my parents didn't trust me, I must not deserve to be trusted.
This continued until I finally moved out the week I turned At that point, I realized that my entire moral compass hinged on, "if I do this, will my parents find out and punish me? I had to learn to make my own choices by trial and error, as an adult, without my parents there to catch me if I fell down. To this day, I carry a deep-seeded need for privacy and generally don't like to disclose many details about my life with my mother and father -- I never had a choice about sharing with them before, why should I now?
Our relationship is strained at best. Sure, strict monitoring may keep kids out of trouble while they are under your roof, but there is something to be said for letting them fail and become accountable to themselves while still in the safe environment of their parents' home. I'm not saying kids should run amok and do whatever they want -- but isn't there a happy medium? Kids should leave home with tools and life skills to help them succeed as adults--not just the idea that they have no right to privacy, and they shouldn't do something wrong just because their parents will find out.
Of course my experiences are unique to me, and may not apply to you at all; but the title, "Why My Kids Have No Right To Privacy" just set off my alarms.
I tell my daughter that I will reserve the right to go though her personal her diary if she chooses to keep one things if I feel that there is something that warrants it. Once she is old enough to have a facebook page she knows that I will need access to it until I feel she really understands how to protect her online data. We have a cellphone that is hers to use, it is kept in our room when she isn't someplace where she needs it.
The rules for that will be the same as facebook. I do feel that she needs a place where she can have a release if she needs it and a physical diary is probably the safest way for her to vent. I agree and as a kid her had her diary read and room raided I can tell you that I hated my parents for it then but I thank them now. You're right that kids don't know how to handle consequences and its our jobs to help them.
I agree with a lot of what you say, and as long as you are honest about it and don't do the creepy stalker thing, it should be cool. Children have become insanely evil, and amazingly insecure. I couldn't imagine cutting myself because morons teased me, or ever sending pictures of myself that people could laugh at later. Or ever killing myself, even though i was the kid in school everyone loved to attack and hate.
The flip side, I had a cousin who's mom listened in on all her children's phone calls, among other extremely stalkerish things. It turned him into a total asshole. And turned the others into hating their family. That family can't deal with family at all.
Your job right now is actually to protect her this is also why kids 12 and under are not allowed to sign up for Facebook, and are removed when FB finds out, because they are not able to judge social natworking accurately.
I believe you did the right thing checking in on it. But I don't believe you can have it both ways. A child who is old enough to approve the publication of her story is old enough to have some privacy. A child whose diary should be read for her own protection is not old enough to make the decision to spread it to the masses. Yes, yes, and yes. I only have PreSchoolers, but this will be happening when they are older.
Also, this description of the negative commenters rules: I feel sorry for your children. I feel even sorrier for them when they share their passwords with their SOs, because you have taught them that you share passwords with those you love. And when their SOs violate that trust, you will be a large part of that cause. Privacy is something we should teach our kids and something we are no longer teaching them, which is why everyone and their mothers shares everything of FB these days.
That she tells you if she takes a car trip over 20 miles? Hate to break it to you, but she's an adult. She should be breaking away from you and making her own decisions. Heck, she talks to you on the phone more than I do with my husband when I'm out of town. Ma-Ma, you're going to love it when your daughter, so dependent on you, comes right back home, unable to have a job and life of her own.
Either that, or she wakes up one day and wants nothing to do with you. Except they won't "always" love you. Plenty of people never speak a word to their parents, and never will again. Being a parent is hard work, and some things will be way beyond the control of parents. I do agree with the rest of what you wrote though. Although why wouldn't you just take the door handle off?
That would make a lot more sense than taking the entire door off. I am sorry that your children were molested by an older child. I hope my children are able to come to me with questions and concerns, even if they're uncomfortable. However, your sons, when about 11 or so, will suddenly be going through lots of Kleenex and lotion. They probably will want to start doing their own laundry. This is why you give them privacy and a door. This is why you let them have secrets.
I don't read my husband's e-mails. He doesn't read mine. It's called privacy and trust. And no, neither of us are cheating on one another. All of you crappy parents and yes, I think you're crappy if you're searching through your kids' things have one big flaw in your reasoning.
You have taught or are teaching your kid that it is acceptable to go through other people's stuff. Don't be surprised when they go through your stuff and violate your privacy. Better hide the sex toys! My dad never searched through my things I'm 31 and old enough now that I trust this was true.
If he was worried about me, he probably would have, but I didn't give him a reason to worry. He told me and discussed with me how to behave and what to share and not share with others. Even now, I want to educate my children to have privacy, so they understand that sharing naked pictures is not appropriate or a good idea, that passwords should be private, and that search and you often find what you don't want to find.
If I have a concern about my kid and talking hasn't worked, or they had violated my trust, I'd consider searching. But you all want to do this with kids before there are any issues, and that's wrong on so many levels. This is the issue. When you're searching through your kids' things like this, most likely you are the one with issues and need help.
And you make a good chance of your kid not trusting YOU and perhaps even not liking you when they are adults. My step-father went through my things and spied on me. I was not a bad kid. I kissed a few guys at school in high school. I'm in my 30s now. My mom has died, and I want nothing to do with him. He was also abusive, but the spying thing got to me. I actually used to hide stuff there just to piss him off.
I don't care that he lives with you. That's a reason to tell him what time to be home and which chores to do. He's not a child; he's an adult. But you're ensuring that he stays in the mentality of a kid.
Why risk the great big, bad world when Mommy watches out for you and tells you who's good for you? At least you paused to consider the ethical transgression of diary-reading.
I recently read my 7 year old's diary, laughed my ass off and didn't even think about it as being a boundary violation until now! Just thought about it.
I echo your sentiments. Out to guard and protect her. I'll let her know I'm monitoring stuff HI Anonymous, this is her daughter in college! How dare you talk to my mom this way. I am 18 and I still believe I need to tell my mom whenever I go somewhere. Also, you dont have the right to tell my mom what is and isnt appropriate, you dont have the right to say any of this.
You dont need to feel sorry for me or my sisters because there is nothing for you to feel sorry about, I love my life and the way my parents are with me.
Every parent is allowed to parent their children anyway they please and I have no problem with the amount of privacy I have.
I dont keep any secrets from my parents, they know everything. You have absolutely no right to judge my mom and there is no need for you to be rude and ignorant either.
How does saying this to my mom benefit you? What do you gain from this? It just makes you a bully. May not agree with every point, but on the whole oh yea!!! Better believe Mama's watching! There are too many kids today who are not being raised- and I am not talking about underprivileged low income kids.
I think it would be a good experiment to do a survey even have it anonymous among kids about how in their lives their parents are. There's a time to be cool, and there's a time to be a parent, very rarely are they the same time. I completely understand and respect where you're coming from, but I have to disagree with you -- at least partially.
I'm 17, and I have a very good relationship with my parents. They let me have a great deal of privacy, and trust me to come to them if I need help with something. I trust both of my parents, and they trust me. And because they trust me, I am very open with them -- I have nothing to hide. P What I'm trying to say is this: And take it from me, being super nosey and controlling won't get you anywhere; your kids will just get sneakier.
I know a lot of other teens that have incredibly strict parents, and they're into all sorts of things. Their parents have no idea, and they don't find out until everything's a mess. I loved Kim's post and figured she'd get blasted, but I try not to read those HuffPo comments. Great post, great for not giving a shit what other people think of your parenting! I have this idea that I am submitting to the phone company of needing a password to delete texts. Because the kids can delete the text messages right after they send them, but if mommy has a password, then only mommy can delete them!!
I can't read them all!! So with you on this Jen. Just recently my almost 4 year old learned how to lie. I saw it happen with my own two eyes and she lied straight to my face. So, yes after that my kids are not entitled to privacy, because that is a privilege or something they earn.
I agree with the distinctions of no privacy vs. Being pregnant with my first child has me thinking about all these issues, and the rules that my parents had laid down. I wasn't allowed an email until I was I think that my children will get an email around their junior year of high school, so that they can have time to apply for college scholarships, etc.
And that rule may change. But I also believe that as long as a parent is upfront and honest about a child's lack of privacy, and explain the boundaries, then looking through diaries, Facebook, other social media shouldn't be termed snooping. It's not a reason to not trust your parents, because they have fully explained the rules, and you know what could happen.
I don't think my children should worry about "budding writing talent". If I find something praiseworthy, then I will praise it. This shows that parents are looking out for the whole well-being of the child. If I read that the kid wants a dog, or wants to learn how to paint, I want to be able to discuss some fair rules in order to get that dog, or to buy him an easel and get him art lessons.
My mom had this great idea from her mother. We had a journal that we wrote to each other. I would write in it, and then put it under her pillow. Although we didn't have an easy relationship, I knew that this way, she wouldn't judge me, and would help me resolve issues in a fun way. And for those that think that some of these "issues" won't happen to them, I urge them to rethink that stance. It can happen to you. Just when you least expect it.
I would have to think about the diary issue if it came up, but luckily for me, boys don't tend to keep those. One less thing to worry about until my youngest daughter gets older. High fives to you! My mother read my diary and used everything I wrote against me all the time. I had no privacy at all. I am 21 now, live with my grandparents, and have next to no privacy. I used to love to write and now I am ashamed to do it because my mother made me feel that way.
I could never hide my diary enough times. Thank you for understanding. Your daughter is five. She is not really equipped to make or understand the consequences of that decision. If she were older, in her teens, perhaps, then it would be different.
As it stands, she is five and incapable of making her own conscious choices about things like that. I would hope that you would consider putting your post in the Huffington Comments. The Haters and enablers need to shut up! Bravo to you for taking a proactive stance rather than a reactive one.
If kids and teens were loaded with common sense or experience, we wouldn't have to do this If I hadn't been the nosey mom that I am, I would have had no idea that my teenager was embroiled in an eating disorder that led to cutting and suicidal ideations.
She is now in therapy and intensive treatment and although we have a long road ahead, we know that she is safe. We tell our kids, "You can have all the privacy you want when you no longer live under our roof!
My 7 year old niece has a Facebook account And they don't believe in parenting with violence I'm waiting for the phone call that my 16 year old niece is pregnant.
Kids need rules and structure, period. And I sure as hell didn't have privacy when I was a kid, and I turned out just fine and not the least bit traumatized. There is no such thing as one-size-fits-all parenting. Every child is different, every parent-child relationship is different. To judge another parent on their choices, making generalized statements of "crappy" parenting, is just ridiculous.
I could be that parent that says "I did it right and if you all just did things the way I do, you would have the best kids ever" - because frankly, my kids are. And I break just about every "accepted" parenting method known to man. Obviously, if some parent that is not me tried to emulate my parenting style with a child that is not my child, the results would likely be disastrous.
The only thing that will keep our kids safe as much as we can keep them safe, most times our idea of safety is just an illusion is taking the time, regularly and consistently, to get to know our children from the moment they are born onward.
If your kid is 16 and you don't know who they are - that ship has sailed. But if you know your child - whether they have a tendency to follow or lead, whether they seek the approval of peers or couldn't care less, if they are prone to getting their feelings hurt easily or have a "thick skin", etc. And that is why you need to not judge a parent for their choices - you don't know their kid they way they do hopefully. We get the Steubenvilles the Columbines etc, IMHO, from people not trusting their own parenting instinct and as a Christian I also believe by being led by the Holy Spirit and leaning instead on the philosophies of others, even when it may even have become obvious that it' isn't working for them.
If anyone is interested, I can access all of my children's devices, know all their passwords, etc. I never once asked for them - they were freely given without my ever even asking. Kids are "entitled" to healthy food choices, sleep, showers and little else.
My daughter has just recently gotten into the bad habit of saying that "I gotta" do things for her. I don't "gotta" do anything except make sure she's fed, bathed, has a good night's sleep and attends school. My "job" is to make every effort to see that she grows up to be a reasonably happy and well adjusted productive member of society. My job is NOT to cater to her every "need" or give her privacy. I've always been taught that you earn your privacy, you're not entitled to it.
I have 18 and 23 year old daughters and I knew there passwords to their things. I would check their facebook accounts just to see what was happening and who they were friends with. My husband and I have always asked 20 million questions and still do to this day. Just like my parents did me and I turned out okay. My kids know that they can come to me anytime and no matter what I will be there, might not like it but I'm there for them. I have had that phone call at midnight to come pick them up because to drunk to drive, she was 21 and new years eve party.
Its not policing them, its protecting them. My husband says his house his rules, they don't like it they can move out and pay their own bills. Guess what, they are both still living at home, one in RN school and the other in college. I love this post in so many ways. I wish more parents risked being "bad" parents to avoid having so many "bad" kids in the world. I fully intend on keeping a close watch on my children.
Some mistakes we have to let them make, but others could change their life forever. It's a different world with so much technology, and it's harder for parents to keep track. I think you have to do what's right for you as a parent, but for me, that's probably going to be overprotective and a constant watchful eye on every thing my kids are doing.
My parents were that way, and I turned out just fine, even after we had fights about them invading my privacy. I'm glad they did. I was able to get help I needed and guided down a better path. I could not agree with this post more! If snooping makes me a bad parent then so be it! Someday my kids will thank me just as I thanked my parents after I moved out ha!
My kids know we have rules. Rules meant to protect, not torture. I may not read their diaries and all of their texts , but they know I have a right to, and I check them randomly. When they act responsibly, they earn our respect as parents. My first job is to be their Mother, and it's because of that responsibility that friendship is highly sought after, but comes second.
Well this is a tough one indeed. I think the reality is that most people will find a balance for their families. A person's thoughts are their own and I would not be able to express myself honestly if I knew I was being monitored and I wouldn't want to take that creative impulse away from someone else.
However, online communication changes things and situations can get out of hand quickly. The final question remains for me - what happens when we are no longer watching the children? We can't monitor their behavior forever. Are they only good because they fear we will find out?
Jen, I couldn't agree with you more. As a parent to a 16 year old boy and 10 year old girl, they both know that they have no "right to privacy. My kids know they have to turn over their electronics, including phones, at a moments notice. My friend found out by accident that her 14 year old daughter was sexually active by reading her journal. She thought it was a notebook for school. Now, if she hadn't have read that, she wouldn't have known.
No birth control would have been obtained. Same friend has a son who's 11 year old girlfriends father phoned up because he had been going through his daughter's cell messages and found that the two were SEXTING!!!
The flip side to this is that my kids know they can come to me anytime, with anything, and I will have their backs and try to help them with their problems.
But a right to privacy? My daughter is The philosophy we follow in our house is "trust unless I can't trust you" I could check her grades every day. I could check her phone records or texts if I wanted to. I could check her journal and spy on her when she's with her girlfriends. She's a good kid. We talk all the time. I know all the soap opera details of her life. I know where she is when she's out with friends.
She calls me to let me know if she's moving on to another friend's house. You get to this point because there's 2 way trust in the relationship.
There are times she has disappointed us, but we talk to her about it and her behavior changes. I don't see any need for this helicopter stuff, unless the trust has been violated. You are the kind of parent I hope to be one day. I don't want my kids to like me, I want them to love me and fear me and respect me and trust me.
I want to trust them to not do stupid shit but I'm also not going to hang my hat on hopes and dreams when I know all the crazy stuff I did when I was young and the horrible things that happen now. I think that you're a great mom.
Not a pal and not a friend. That comes much later. Right now, you're a parent. This is a great post! My own children are toddlers but for the past 10 years I have taught 8th grade English. Due to the amount of writing I read, I have learned so much about my students and at times I've had to bring issues that I learned about in their writing to guidance.
This is writing they knew they were handing in and that I was going to read! Kids don't understand the results of all of their actions and too many times they are afraid to tell their parents how they feel; so parents do need to stay on top of the situation. Social media doesn't help either. It certainly has a place in our society but it presents the kids with another arena to "test" out behaviors that might be inappropriate, such as posting negative pictures or bullying.
One year we had a speaker come into school and he told us a sad story of how his 13 year old son committed suicide. He had an agreement with his kids that they had to write down all their user names and passwords to their email accounts, social media, etc.
He kept them in an envelope and told his kids he wouldn't use them unless he felt a true need. He didn't want to be nosy but wanted to protect them. When he son was found dead he used his passwords to find out that he had been humiliated and bullied on a social media website.
His son never mentioned this and he has lived with the guilt that he could have helped his son if he had known. Now this doesn't happen to every child who is bullied but this is an example that had an impact on me. I would rather invade my child's privacy than risk possibly losing them. I also like his idea of having their passwords in an envelope.
Jenn you are right - parents are not friends until much later in life for a reason. I don't agree at all that by monitoring your kids' internet and cell phone usage or by reading their diaries that you're teaching them to snoop.
There's a hell of a big difference between a parent checking up on their kids, and a kid just being nosy. Part of teaching your kid respect is teaching them what behavior is acceptable of what people and under what circumstances. As a kid I heard my parents swearing, and my dad would have the occasional after-work beer. That in no way meant that I, a child, felt that I should be knocking back a beer after a rough day on the playground, cussing, or digging through my mom's dresser drawers not that I wanted to do that As long as I'm fully liable for the actions of the small person living in my home, guess what kid?
Your shit, which is actually MY shit that I let you use, is all fair game. I saw this article on HuffPost yesterday, and reading the comments, I remembered the talk we had at the Blue Moose.
Yikes, those people are rough. While I normally come to this blog for your sarcastic sense of humor. This entry was very serious, but also the best one I have read yet. I read the article I don't think "things" has changed. Every parent has their right of their own style of parenthood and NOBODY, not even whoever spooky guy you want to believe in And that's something hasn't change in ages and it won't.
My mother always say and keeps saying "this is MY house and everything that is in it". I never had a problem with that. When people say that my house will never be the same because all my kid's toys I say, no, is my house. My house is no daycare, period. And yes, I had a diary too and there was no lock in it. We didn't have the right to lock our rooms door. Things are different now Each to their own. I've been thinking about this post all day. Initially I was going to write something but felt that I should sit on it for a minute.
It seems there are those who find reading a journal a moral crisis. I know this story might fall within the fast track to hell, but I don't care. It helped me navigate my way and I don't regret what I did.
Not too many years ago I was dating a man who was diagnosed with prostate cancer He was about to start Lupron, a drug that could change the course of his prognosis, but would also take away his libido and virtually send him spiraling into menopause.
The week before he began the treatment and moved into my house with my kids, he visited a therapist. She asked him to start a journal covering what that loss would mean to him. I did not know about this until one morning he left for work and the journal was sitting open on my coffee table. I know this sounds far-fetched but I saw him jotting down notes feverishly in the book and knew he was tackling something.
When I saw it the next morning open on the table I wanted to put it away with his other things, but then I started to think about my role in all of this. I wondered if I was bugging him with my questions I felt insecure about my part and I questioned if I was doing enough.
I walked over to the coffee table and began to read. As my eyes scanned the lines I suddenly saw that what he had documented on those pages was all the women some being my close friends that he would like to make love to. Of course he was angry when I told him that I'd read it, but he left it open in my house I was told that the journal didn't mean anything.
It was just an exercise prescribed by his doctor to address losing his sex drive. He said, "They were simply thoughts. I would never have acted on them. Thoughts flow and change. Was it right for me to read his journal? Probably not but all I know is things turned out for the best for both of us. Jen, I seriously have a mom crush on you!
This is exactly the deal in my house too!! My boys understand that ultimately, they aren't entitled to any privacy here, outside of bathroom time. Close the damn door! But it's not my job to be their buddies, it's my job to ensure I don't unleash assholes on the world when they get out of my house.
So, if you don't snoop, you're a bad parent. If you do snoop, you're a bad parent. Why can't people just parent their children without the judgment of others? We can all agree that most parents are doing the best they can.
They do what THEY think is right. There is not right or wrong here! You're not better than other parents because you go through your kids' things, and vice versa. Mind your business and worry about your own family. It is where a child can work through their thoughts and emotions without judgement. Internet posts or text messages, basically any interaction with others is not off limits.
My oldest is 8 and I am just starting to have to worry about these things. I don't want to speak for Jen, but I don't think by this article she meant that she was going to keep her kids under an "iron fist of control". I think she meant that she wants them to know that she can and will check things out from time to time.
I am sure as they get older if they are causing trouble those times will be more frequent and if they are doing well the checking in on this stuff will be just once in a while to stay informed. Maybe I am wrong but that is what I got out of it. Also, my kids are 11, 10, and 7 and I pretty much do as I just said above. It is not an "iron fist" but they do know that I check up on them from time to time.
Some times, it's the only way of knowing if your child is being abused. I don't for one moment think that Kate was being anything but a loving, concerned parent. Plus she was fucking Batman, so…. I mean I got into a fight with my mom once because she took my away tweezers. They were way too thin! She just had my best interest at heart. My sister was awful in the ways of beauty and glam.
She wanted to be a sports therapist at the time, so she was taping up ankles and things like that. On the show, Ru referred to my look as sort of a slutty celebutante.
I also never wear black — I wear color. I think black is like a drag queen default. As a guy, I wear black all the time. But in drag, I hate it. There are so many more interesting things to do, you know? I never really studied, I took a class a couple of times, because my aunt paid for it.
It was a Christmas present, she has an Emmy, and she really wanted me to do it. But I never wanted to learn monologues that I never was going to perform, you know? My thing was, I always wanted to be famous, but I never really knew how, and acting was just the easiest way, because it got me on TV. So I just kept doing it and I happened to be good at it. The people at World Of Wonder actually called my manager to ask me if I would audition, so I made a tape.
My very first appearance on tv was this game show called Street Smarts when I was But my first guest appearance on anything was when I did two episodes of The District, and Jaclyn Smith was my attorney. I played a street hustler named Darren who got arrested, kissed a cop, got beat up. He was wrestler-sized with a bad wig! Laughs They told me not to talk to her! You need, like, ten years to cook! It was a pretty good part, I had two scenes, and laughs I get a check from it almost every day!
It was a very high-grossing movie. Those blockbusters really make you money! I pretty much liked everybody! They had a talent producer who was really significant in instigating it — she was the one who told the story people about the whole boogers and heathers thing.
She actually kept me from walking off the show during the second episode, after the first time I broke the rules. She refused to give me her phone to call the producer. After the show aired of course, I told her that in my presence, she would never pay for a drink!! She knew me before the show, and I think she was the one that got World Of Wonder to call me, after having seen me perform, although the World Of Wonder people were already aware of who I was.
That was my first job with W. I represent talent — I am basically the middleman between clubs and people who take off their clothes for money. That is not surprising at all! A lot of reality television people as well. Yeah, I found a niche and I filled it! On the first episode! There was dead silence, none of the girls said anything, but a couple of seconds later, they all slowly looked over, as if no one wanted to do it when I said it.
No one liked me at the beginning! How about we call ourselves the non-winners? Well, I read the first three pages of Dianetics, and there are some good tenets in Scientology about negativity and all that stuff!! It was kind of ironic that every time she thought she was so right was when she was the most wrong. She made her bed, and she knew what she was doing all along.
Sharon told me later that Phi Phi just looked up to the ceiling as if holding back tears. But she knew what she was doing. She was premeditated in her actions and in her words.
Jan 15, Kanye West & Lil Pump ft. Adele Givens - "I Love It" (Official Music Video) - Duration: Lil pump ,, views · Fuck her right in. Let's fuck!¡Vamos a chingar! c. follar (vulgar) (Spain). He wants to concept4web.com ( vulgar) (to have sexual intercourse with) Fuck! I lost my keys and now I can't get inside my house.¡Joder! Perdí las llaves y ahora no puedo entrar en casa. Aug 8, And now it's not. It's sort of a place holder, like the Hawaiian pidgin word " dakine," that can be used as an adjective to emphasize something . Fuck with yourself because trying to find self-love through others is a shitty idea.