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Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. A trained psychologist could probably say a lot about our society's fascination with hot female robots. In fact, the inability to produce a lifelike female sexbot was named as the single biggest scientific failure of the modern era in one survey of Cracked. While Skynet began its campaign to send robots to exterminate the human race with Arnold Schwarzenegger, each robotic assassin since has looked more and more effeminate since.
This is probably because even a Speak-and-Spell knows that humans will forgive a lot when it comes from a smoking hot blond wearing a red leather outfit that looks like she was poured into it. Or failing that, vaguely handsome character actor Robert Patrick. Ever since the second film, evil Terminators have come with morph-like shape-shifting abilities. In T2 they just make weapons out of their forearms, but that doesn't mean they're all work and no play: If, at the thought of having a girlfriend who can enhance any part of her body at will makes you say, "Hey, that could get us out of countless traffic tickets!
There is the thing with her ultimate goal being the death of all humanity, and she seems to really enjoy her work: More machines like this would make watching CSI infinitely more enjoyable. We're not saying you shouldn't have sex with a Terminator, we're just saying that you really need to establish a "safe word" first. While we are aware of a similarly hot Terminator in Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles , we expect, and hope, that the show will be canceled very, very soon, and so we'll not be including her in this list.
Except to say that Summer Glau, who plays her, is very attractive, and should feel free to call us at any time. What do you get when you put together the internet and lightning? These days, we all know that what you get is a call to tech support and a conversation with a guy who has a very heavy Indian accent yet goes by the name of "Mike. But back in the internet was still relatively young, so the following scenario seemed plausible: When lightning interrupts two teenagers hacking into a government mainframe to run a sexual simulation based on uploaded images of swimsuit models, the result is a gorgeous naked woman played by Kelly "Holy Fuck She's Hot" LeBrock appearing in their bathroom.
Remember, back then government mainframes were also running tic-tac-toe simulations in order to determine that global thermonuclear war wasn't a good idea? That's a War Games reference, for those of you who were outside playing during the '80s.
OK, so the movie's premise has all the science of the Salem Witch Trials. You mean, besides appearing out of thin air in a bathroom? Lisa's powers are practically limitless. She can erase memories, produce guns out of thin air and at one point, she turns Bill Paxton into some kind of sludge-monster. So despite the word "science" in the film's title, Lisa is less Frankenstein's monster and more fairy godmother.
No matter how magically delicious Lisa may look, in the mid-'80s those "government mainframes" that formed her intelligence were probably a room full of Colecos with less computing power than a modern-day toaster.
You'd have to phrase all your sexual requests in DOS syntax, and even when you try and get her to run "C: And as we'll learn sometime around , nothing ruins the mood like when you have to give your lover a hard reboot.
Pris is a Nexus-6 model replicant--a state of the art, biologically-engineered humanoid. It's actually debatable whether a replicant should be considered cybernetic if you're a gigantic nerd, which we are but normal humans don't have a make and model number, so Pris counts.
But Pris isn't just a replicant, she's a "pleasure model" replicant, in the pleasurable form of a Splash -era Darryl Hannah. And while Blade Runner was supposed to take place in a dystopian future, any era when one could potentially have sex with endless '80s Darryl Hannahs can't be ALL bad.
Allow us to reiterate: Here the future addresses a common male problem, in that they all know the mixed feeling of sleeping with someone who does things a little too well. Sure, it feels good, but deep down you know that Michael Jordan didn't get where he is on natural ability alone. So when you meet a girl who gives oral sex the same way His Airness ran the triangle offense, there's a good chance that she also has just as many highlight videos on the internet.
But when you buy yourself a brand new Pris, she's got those skills from the moment she steps off the showroom floor. You get all the benefits and none of the syphilis. All Nexus-6 replicants have a pre-set lifespan of four years.
You're probably saying to yourself, "That's not a downside! Every four years you get to upgrade! Also, the reason Nexus-6 replicants have a four-year lifespan is that over time they develop emotions, and eventually go crazy. So once she figures out that she was basically born with a terminal illness that no amount of boning can cure, there's a good chance she'll be a whole lot less fun. Good luck selling her on Craigslist.
Take every result of the Women's Liberation Movement and press 'undo'--that was the idea when the men in Stepford decided to engineer gynoid replacements for their wives. It sounds like a part of your body you only hear about when it gets cancer, but 'gynoid' is actually the term for a female android.
These new gynoids have all the features their husbands liked so much in the originals--like orifices--without any of the buggy programming that comes with free will. All it took to upgrade to Wife 2. That's nothing compared to what a new Powerbook will cost you, and even Apple's designers have a long way to go before they produce anything as appealing to the eye as real-life Stepford Faith Hill. When you're married to a Stepford Wife, a hot meal will be waiting for you when you arrive home and you can have whatever kind of sex you want with her, whenever you want it.
That's plenty special for us, but just in case you're picky, one Stepford Wife even has an ATM machine installed in her mouth. Feel free to make your own deposit and withdrawal jokes, we just wonder what kind of fees our bank would charge that kind of transaction! We had to think long and hard about this one, because it seems like a pretty sweet deal, as long as you don't have some bizarre objection to blonds.
We gave it some time though, and it occurred to us that women, much like prisoners and political refugees, yearn for freedom and the right to live as they choose. That desire led to the original Women's Lib movement, and if women in the '60s were able to ignore decades of social programming, you better believe the Stepford Wives will eventually rebel against a few lines of C code.
One day you're coming home to a hot meal, and the next day your wife feels that her armpit hair is a miracle of nature and the Black Panthers are meeting in your living room. We're also not sure we'd ever get over our fear that we'd get drunk and end up sticking our dick into a cash machine. Any article on hot robo-chicks is bound to have a few prostitute-i-trons in there, and when it comes to hot bots, Ashley Scott as Gigolo Jane really takes the cake.
She almost makes watching A. All we really know about her is that she is friends with Jude Law's character, Gigolo Joe, an android who humps lonely housewives for a living. And that she's really really attractive.
Fuckbot probably would not have gotten such an all-star cast. Besides that, once again we find that readily-available, super-hot sex slaves are the silver lining on the cloud that is a bleak, dystopian future, blah blah blah. The same could be said about Reno, and Reno's sex slaves sure don't look like Ashley Scott.
And so for the 37th time on this site, but probably for the best reason yet, we would like to welcome the coming apocalypse. If all this talk of the end of the world has you down, you could probably use the inspirational thoughts contained in this video. Or, if for some odd reason you prefer to read, then go check out how Dan O'Brien and the blog readers made life hell for one editor at biographicon. In the age of CGI, it's easy to forget how many movie stunts are real Sometimes a small screw-up in the code can make a game unplayable in the most unexpected of ways.
Don't make me do this again. Don't have an account? Please enter a Username. I agree to the Terms of Service. Add me to the weekly newsletter. Add me to the daily newsletter. Link Existing Cracked Account. Use My Facebook Avatar. Add me to the weekly Newsletter. A closer look at lady-bots as portrayed in film may give us reason to reconsider Recommended For Your Pleasure. To turn on reply notifications, click here.
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