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If this seems too good to be true, try it out for yourself to make friends quickly. Professionals such as police, interrogators, and psychologists have learned how to build trust and befriend a stranger rapidly based on these findings. This means the procedure is perfect to use when meeting someone over a cup of coffee, while traveling, or at a party.
You could even use this method on people that you have known for a long time already to strengthen your existing friendship. Different variations of the original experiment have shown that the fast friends questions are even successful in creating cross-cultural friendships 2 and increasing intimacy within a couple.
During this next meeting, the couple is asked to do the same thing they did last time, but with a different set of 36 questions. Like last time, the questions increase in intimacy as you go through the deck. It should take about an hour to answer all of the questions. The interactions between the two when they see each other again are examined, and participants can now ask for contact information from their partner. More often than not, participants wanted to keep in touch with their partner and see them again after the experiment was over.
If you came into this experiment to make a real friend, you were almost guaranteed to leave with one. The first set of 12 questions the researchers used were shallow and basically scratched the surface to get the participants to warm up to each other:. The second set of 12 questions used were to let the participants become better friends in a less superficial way:. The last set of 12 is where the real friendship building happens.
The key to using the fast friends procedure is to ask intentional questions from the start, disclose information about yourself to the other to establish trust, and then dig deeper to get to the good stuff.
In the lab, participants read questions from a set of cards. In the real world, you have to come up with relevant questions on the fly throughout your ongoing conversation. Remember that fast friends only works because of its progressive nature. First, ask something that is slightly personal. For example, say that your friend is talking about an unpleasant phone call he or she recently had to make. If your questions become too personal too quickly they might be perceived as unpleasant, probing and scary, so take your time and trust the process.
After about 30 minutes of talking, you can start asking about deeper matters. Give them the time to ask you follow up questions, too. If the conversation is going well, you can ask even more personal questions. The fast friends method works because it mimics the way that relationships actually develop. To get a deeper understanding of how the method works, we asked one of the developers of this procedure, Dr. When entering a new social group i. Generally, people like to talk about themselves, and they will appreciate that you want to know more about them.
The two things to remember, though, is that not everyone is the same, and there is a big difference between interacting with a stranger than interacting with a friend. In my research, some people become stressed during the first Fast Friends session, although pretty much everyone becomes comfortable by the second time they do the Fast Friends with another person.
So, you always have to feel out a new interaction partner: For the most part, people like to be asked about themselves, especially with questions that are somewhat unique and quirky! The Fast Friends procedure is effective because it mimics the way friendships develop naturally. When you first meet someone, you move beyond mere strangers by getting to know one another. The other person may tell you a little bit more about themselves, then you respond in kind by telling them a little more about you, and the process continues back-and-forth like that.
The Fast Friends procedure just formalizes and accelerates this process! So, you want to use the fast friends procedure in real life? Notify me of follow-up comments by email.
Notify me of new posts by email. How do you develop that sense? You will develop that sense with more experience in conversations, especially once your stress levels in social interactions start lowering. This exercise might help you out on developing your curiosity: Personally I have trouble understanding if am really making friends. Because right now was the first month in my new entered school and I feel anxious because am still not close or even more like friends with my classmates except seven of my like close friends I guess.
HA I am terribly sorry I know this question isnt paid or anything. And not sure if anyone will answer this but thanks anyways. Try applying the general principle, of asking gradually more personal questions and sharing equally.
If they reciprocate you can get more personal. You can also let this process happen over a longer time depending on the situation. I am very excited to try this at my school. Would it also work on entire friend groups of 3 people? Would you text this questions to someone or in person?
In person is best but sometimes you do not get that chance in person. Even though it may seem more confrontational, it is actually more comfortable and is perceived as less psychopath-y when the person you are speaking to can hear your voice.
I think this is a great way for people that would be rather shy, like my younger self, or isolated from social experience to get to know other people. Hi David, do you have the link to the 36 Questions? I had started an import business and turned it into a multi-million dollar company.
I still had a hard time enjoying socializing and being authentic. I still felt awkward and off in conversations. Then I walked home. Establishing the relationship Part 2: Creating intimacy Part 3: Friends or just friendly? Some of the Questions that the Researchers used: We Asked the Expert: What is your advice or precaution to people who want to use the Fast Friend Procedure principles in their personal life to make friends?
In short, what do you think it is in the procedure that makes it so effective? Your Next Steps Related. Remember to reveal as many personal things about yourself as your friend is disclosing. You can even switch the order of the questions like in the original experiment and start off by revealing something personal about you and then asking the person a related personal question.
If you reveal personal things first, your friend should become more comfortable opening up to you. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Comment Name Email optional Website optional Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Though I would also suggest you ask others, as I am no social expert!
I feel like this would be effective for making friends with girls, but not with guys. Fixed it again, thanks for notifying me! Just make sure to proceed incrementally. And watch them get even more cautious. Thanks a lot, bro. Latest comments danial October 28, at Swati October 28, at 6: Instantly more at ease in conversations. Vick October 28, at 6: Nick October 27, at 6: Anonymous October 27, at 2: A few years ago, I looked successful on the surface.
I used to over-analyze and get stuck in my head. That night, I made a realization that Viktor studied psychology both personally and professionally since Viktor has been working with SocialPro since
I can say some really mean things and not even notice it or notice how it affects other people. I think perhaps what has happened recently to me was a huge wake up call. Thanks a lot, Vincent. Sorry to hear about your experience. Hope everything works out with your friend.
I am lazy when it comes to being a good friend. Sorry to have taken up so much space. Any more advice you have would be great. Personality transplant available anywhere? Paula, I was the exact same way! How could you possibly know that?
Maybe your social graces have improved a bit? Hah,I still have the habit of interrupting people. I get so excited I just want to get my words out there. True, which is why we have to be careful to avoid being a pushover. Am i a bad friend? But somehow I always get picked last.
Two girls are shitty friends to two of my best friends but they are more popular than I am so they can be two faced and still every single time a concert comes up they crapy friends get picked over me.
Is it still fair? Sorry for putting in two different concerns in one! I do want to save these friendships. I am a 13 year old chick and I take forever to reply to my best friend of 7 years texts lately I used to reply in seconds. I am worried it will be the end of a beautiful relationship… Any advice at all? Please Vincent, help me fix myself. Hi Vincent, I have serious concerns about my ability to be a good friend which seemed to develop after I became a paraplegic at age I put forth a lot of effort to grow friendships; asking to hang out outside of work, I tell them how they are the closet thing I have as friends.
The others range from mid 40s to late 50s. Vicent I am glad you reply all these people not an easy work at all, I think you really are a good friend. Yeah my first time. This is not what I thought it was. My whole being is falling apart, I need more than this to fix it.
Hi, such great insights here, listening is an important factor too, this will reassure your friend to let him or her know that you care. Hi, I have a story to tell about friendship. Hope that you can tell me am I doing this right or not.
We started to get and clicked with each other very quickly messaged each other daily and started to meet up after 2 weeks. Since then we have even meetups more frequently at least twice a week for the last 9 months.
But things got a dramatics change after we have got our 1st serious argument 3 months ago. She started to treat me a little cold and started criticizing or blaming things on my actions and behaviors towards her making her feeling uncomfortable to be with me, but still we did go out together and still do enjoy the company.
Just each time she will have things to criticize on and I just bear it with me as I really do cherish her. But things gotten bad last week where we had our biggest argument and she has been ignoring me. Within this 9 months, actually I have been doing my best liked when she needs company, I will apply for leave to accompany her, when she needs help to get the things she needed urgently, I will go search and get it immediately for her, when she needed a listener and brought her around when her colleague makes her sad.
Anyhow, I really do treasure her as a friend. Hi Vincent, I would give up anything just to get her back. Many of my friends would say that she is definitely a bad friend which is just being a self-centered person. To me, she is someone whom did listen to me when I am being grumpy on things happening around me and did think hard to help me find solutions though she might sometimes putting it in a hard way. Throughout this 9 months, actually we have been messaging without even missing a day.
I really wanna celebrate that with her. Thank you for this post. I can never make any friends and I always wonder what is wrong with me. Hopefully I can utilize some of your advice.
This helped me and my friend solve many of our differences: Thank you so much..!! Its weird how we already know some of these basic points in the back of our heads and still end up doing injustice to them.. Being lonely is a worst thing. It destroys my studies. That was really helpful thank you so much. However, i think respect is really important in friendships. People can make wrong decision for them self but when they have a good friend by them to suport them and respect their opinions no matter what that can be helpful in a way.
And also when someone have something bad and they know it they need help to improve it. But u can remind them every time, yeah it will be boring but it will be nice to look after them …that also doesnt mean that u always need to do it for them.
She said that I was a suck up. I met my best friend since and we are really good friends. We had arguments alot and a few hours ago we were still ok. Then just now, she said that i was a suck up. When I apologised , she said there you go. She meant that me apologising to her after calling me a suck up was what a suck up person will do. I try my level best but all in vain. At last I always gets insulted by him for being fake.
He says that he never wanted to stay with me. What should I do? Hi, this was a terrific list. It explored many areas, but was also compacted very nicely. Thanks, it really was so inspirational and basically, life changing.
This gets so old so fast. To me turning away from the real-life interaction to something else is as bad as if you were having a good conversation with them and they suddenly saw someone more interesting across the room and just grabbed their stuff and then walked out with said person!
Turn off your stupid twitter, whatsapp, telegram, you name it! Some people are really terrible at this. Of course we all notice it around holidays or birthdays but what about besides those 2 events? I think that is where it counts the most. Even a kind word or a phone call can really make a difference. How hard is that? You won muy guapo in our book Vincent. Thank you for your insight, I will now delete all my friends. The issue is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about.
I am very happy that I stumbled across this during my hunt for something relating to this. I appreciate the the insight and wisdom you share in this article. This caused me great concern and made me question my motivations? Am I being passive-aggressive? And if so, does this make me a bad friend?
Either way, I re-read the article and was taken back when I saw that the conclusion also notes that when I passed the article on, I should have let K know that I think they are a good friend. But if K was being a good friend in the first place, how could I have called attention to the Bad Friend warning signs that I was seeing in K without being passive-aggressive? In case the above description actually applies to more than one person in this world, I will add that this comment is only about you if the location you work at ALSO begins with, you guessed it: I have a girlfriend who I love very much.
We went to school together. She has had a lot of health issues; has been in the hospital at least three times in the past 7 months and I have been there for her, house sat and dog sat for her, which is also something I do when she goes out of town or on a vacation. It seems as we both have been short with one another lately. Today she wrote to me and asked me what my problem with her is, and that she will pray for me.
When I had time, I called her, said hi, and let her know I received her message. Then I asked her what she meant. She is also moving to another house and leaving this house. Apparently, according to her, I have been in a hurry and only my feelings matter and she is not going to apologize.
I asked her if this means we are not friends anymore. I said if so, it is her choice, not mine, that I still love her. So please can you help me with how to talk to him and keep him company. Thanks a lot for this article, man. Some people say, show me your friends and I will tell you who you are, is it really, that your friends can determine who you are??
First of all Good Morning admin These is a great article and helps to make a better friendship with other people. And check out this site for more tips to being a friend and what qualities to avoid in […].
Tomorrow is a new day! You are a new you. Be refreshed and focus on the goal at hand for that […]. As Vincent Nguyen has stated: Being a good friend is innate, especially to those we love. Perhaps this is counter productive, I do not know. I then begin to think what kind of friend am I actually and this makes me sad.
I had to research what makes a good friend. Text formatting is available via select HTML. Don't subscribe All Replies to my comments Want to get notifications when new comments come in? You project your own negative qualities onto them. The following two tabs change content below.
Vincent Nguyen is the author of Self Stairway and founder of Growth Ninja , a digital marketing agency that specializes in Facebook Ads.
Voted "Most Guapo" five years in a row lost during 6th year to a hand model. Latest posts by Vincent Nguyen see all. Kevin Cole August 12, at 7: This was super comprehensive.
Vincent Nguyen August 12, at 8: Rosanne June 16, at 9: Hope August 31, at Sylas April 25, at 6: April July 4, at 9: Avi July 5, at 2: Roger August 22, at 7: Chris Peek August 12, at 7: Chris Peek August 12, at 8: Great Jollyhoombah Hoombah August 12, at Fun is an absolute requirement for me; Have a friendly Monday! Vincent Nguyen August 12, at 1: Chris August 12, at I think this is a great way for people that would be rather shy, like my younger self, or isolated from social experience to get to know other people.
Hi David, do you have the link to the 36 Questions? I had started an import business and turned it into a multi-million dollar company. I still had a hard time enjoying socializing and being authentic.
I still felt awkward and off in conversations. Then I walked home. Establishing the relationship Part 2: Creating intimacy Part 3: Friends or just friendly? Some of the Questions that the Researchers used: We Asked the Expert: What is your advice or precaution to people who want to use the Fast Friend Procedure principles in their personal life to make friends? In short, what do you think it is in the procedure that makes it so effective? Your Next Steps Related.
Remember to reveal as many personal things about yourself as your friend is disclosing. You can even switch the order of the questions like in the original experiment and start off by revealing something personal about you and then asking the person a related personal question. If you reveal personal things first, your friend should become more comfortable opening up to you.
Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. Comment Name Email optional Website optional Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Though I would also suggest you ask others, as I am no social expert! I feel like this would be effective for making friends with girls, but not with guys. Fixed it again, thanks for notifying me! Just make sure to proceed incrementally.
And watch them get even more cautious. Thanks a lot, bro. Latest comments danial October 28, at Swati October 28, at 6: Instantly more at ease in conversations. Vick October 28, at 6: Nick October 27, at 6: When starting a conversation with someone you haven't spoken to in a while, take some time to remember that person before you greet them.
If you have a humorous memory or a friend in common, let that be your conversation opener. Invite acquaintances out for coffee. You can make new friends both in person and online, it's true. But it turns out that maintaining face-to-face contact with people is important, and you can't get that by relegating your friendships to your smartphone. Be considerate of their race, gender, sexual orientation, or what their opinions might be. Don't make jokes or rude comments at the expense of your friend--or anyone like them.
Listening is key to being a friend. No one enjoys meeting with someone who doesn't stop talking. This way, you'll be well on your way toward listening well.
Then ask them to express their side and listen closely. Work on negative traits. Everyone has flaws, but some things can stand in the way of a meaningful friendship. Try to identify negative traits that you may posses and make a conscious effort to stop them. Resist bragging about yourself. This behavior is arrogant, and most people find it irritating—you'll lose friends before you get the chance to be one. It is important to have balance in a friendship so that you are celebrating each other's achievements, not competing with each other.
This builds trust, which is essential for maintaining a friendship. Canceling plans at the last minute is inconsiderate and it can disrupt your friend's life. Share from your life. If you allow someone else to talk your ear off without ever offering your opinions, you're just as unlikely to stay friends as the one talking too much. But personal anecdotes are what connect people to each other.
Sharing you life experience is key for a strong friendship. Keep a sincere demeanor. Insincere people tend to smile too much, talk too loudly, and usually laugh to cover their insecurities. To be a good friend, you must do away with insincerity. This is a basic rule of society, but if you want to have a friend, you must be a friend. If you believe in yourself, so will others. And it goes deeper than that—if you like yourself, you will treat yourself well, which translates to treating others well.
Practice becoming aware of your thoughts and beliefs when you encounter situations that make you feel bad. When you identify negative self-talk, challenge it. Do things like using hopeful statements, forgiving yourself, focusing on the positive, and encouraging yourself. You are much less likely to feel insecure with someone who understands you. You can generally tell when you have a genuine connection with someone.
If someone finds you odd, they may criticize you and increase your feelings of insecurity. Does this person make fun of my quirks? Do their facial expressions seem genuine or fake? Is this someone who will laugh with me or laugh at me? If you don't know yourself, no one else will be able to know you either.
How to Be a Good Friend (And Signs to Avoid Being a Bad One) [ ] How to be a GOOD and REAL friend and know when your being a bad friend – Site Title - April 20, [ ] i’m going to blog on signs and how to be a good and real friend and how to tell if your being a bad friend. 18 things to do to be a good friend are when you sense that. Apr 07, · In order to start becoming a good friend with someone, and therefore expecting that person to become a good friend, you need to be a good friend yourself. Reflect on your own personality and determine what your strengths and weaknesses are in being a friend%(89). Friends start out at different levels. With some people, we might remain casual friends for a long time, and with others we have the opportunity to become closer. Sometimes friends will bond faster after they experience a shared activity, and other times closeness will happen naturally.