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We are focused on USA , UK and Canada hookup sites, but many of sites that we are review and rate are also worldwide used. So you can find information on how to get sex locally using site or app, no matter where from you are. Women are just like men when it come to sex: No matter are they single , married , divorced, older or younger , they have same sex needs as we males do, simply looking for sex as males but just do that on bit different way.
All you need, to find, and get any of them, is just to think how would you act on their place? Where you would seek for males? Understand facts related to their lives and you will easy get to the point. Take a look what is the best place and time to find Single Women Seeking Males Married Women seeking men Young girls looking for men Older women looking for men Where are Women and Girls seeking boys and men for fun online Divorced women who are seeking men.
Usually women and girls in this group will accept flirting and maybe before you approach them they will send clear signals they are seeking man for dating, sex, or something else. If you are shinny, you can always try to find single girls online.
Best places to find them: When you meet married women, it is very important NOT to rush, let them to lead a game. Generally speaking, when married women wants you for lover you will be her lover, but convince her that you are THE guy, the she do not need even to think that you will make any problems with her marriage, show that you are discreet and that you accept all rules she asks, simply show her that she will get what she is looking for.
Easiest group to find and seduce and get in bed: Older, but single or divorced women, can give you most pleasure when it comes to adventure or just sex: Actually, most people who are sending a message contact us, have a question like "how to hook up with an older lady or MILF. Older women up to , sometimes, even more, have sexual needs and in some cases better sex drive than in the 30s. It has some explanations for why their sexuality works that way but for now, it is not important for us.
It is important to know where to find them and how to approach them when you find. Divorced women who are seeking men can be very grateful for casual dating, but on the other side can be a bit dangerous since a certain number of divorced women looking for new marriage and sex is a way to get that.
You can find them on those sites , but be careful, keep in mind fact that they may want marriage from you, so the best way is to go slowly and see is women really interested only in casual sex partner or something more. In first case, it is best to not ask too many questions about her past or future. It is highly recommended to explain to divorced women that you want sex, and you don't have a problem if she has sex with other people.
Try to make some kind of deal, so-called " Friends With Benefits ". Here are some of comments and questions from my readers, if you want to say or ask something feel free to contact me. Sex is wild, we are going out, I am even thinking about something more serious between us. To make long story short thanks for great piece of info!
I am from Finland, and going to Greece every year, but in most previous years I was happy if I catch one girl for whole summer, this time it was crazy, got sex with more than ten women and girls, I got idea where they are and how to find them, once again THANKS T. Thanks for suggestions and sites! I always had small problem with females, but now for past 2 months thanks to you, so once again BIG thanks!
Where WE to find guys? Especially in your 40s or 50s? You can write something about that too, I know that you mean that is "simple" for us, but actually it NOT simple. I am following it, and in past 6 months, had sex 12 times with 8 different partners. I like it, please keep doing this and keep us informed about everything new in online hooking up scene.
I am expecting that you will continue with great work? I mean on your sites list especially? Big thanks and hope you will continue with great work in next years!
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I tried using sites you suggest, but at the end after no success with sites nor apps, it happens accidentally in a local bar. So I would say that if you want casual sex with older ladies you need to try everything possible, what means both Internet and real-life places to meet such ladies.
Before reading those few tips that according to a lot experience really can help you, here is what is interesting, from last year more than 20 message received from female population, and all messages claim same thing: No matter you are trying online or other way, always remember that you have nothing to loose! So be direct, act like you know what you want, don't give them time to think. If you want to date her or hookup with her just be direct, worst thing can happen is to dump you, so? If you approach to 5 girls in one night at least 1 will be yours, again keep that in mind!
If you decide to try with online dating and hookups, when you creating profile, put provocative photo, leave some details about you undisclosed, women like mystery guys. Ask them, listen them when you start conversation and don't talk too much about yourself. When you go from site to texting, sometime response immediately sometime after few hours or even days. I don't know why this works with both girls and women, but it works. No matter that mostly of women today insist to pay own part of dinner or whatever, don't try to argue with her, simply pay everything and give waiter a nice tip in front of her.
Many girls will argue with you after such gesture, but act as you don't care and in first next situation do the same. Like previous thing, I don't know WHY but this works for whole my life, with both older and younger women. I think they like to see men which pays everything, but today's culture promote women who pays own part, any case, just do it, and tell her "Ok, you will pay next time".
Off course next time you will do the same thing. Be patient, women don't like guys who desperately need sex. That is how they see the thing, a desperate man is a man who had no sex for long period.
Women like guys who can have sex whatever they want, that is something in woman nature. They are attracted to guys who have a lot of choices. The best way is to pretend that you are more interested in her hobbies, career, parents, pets, and hobbies that to talk about sex, her sexual needs, habits, and fantasies.
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Any woman who says she doesn't care about it, is either lying, very very young or has few options with men and is trying to convince herself it doesn't matter. I am 22 and the guys I am looking to date are primarily I'd be open to guys that are , but I will be far more skeptical - in fact, I rarely go on dinner dates with guys in this age range. I've always been fairly attracted to older men, so if I meet a decent and good divorced man who's 45, I would be happy to go on a dinner date.
When I turn 25, I would probably expand the age gap a little. At 22, even though I feel old for my age, I will fear a 45 year old man wants e primarily for my beauty. J - I think you need to realize that although men and women often look for similar values to settle down, they are biologically different and experience different attraction cues. For men, those are related to beauty and for women, the are related to power. Women possess more of these attraction cues in their 20s, men have more of them after 30 and further down the line.
You might be dismissing something men yourself, but the reality is that most women don't. And this blog, like most blogs giving women dating advice, has to base itself on reality, not wishful thinking or exceptions to the rule. At least if women are to gain something from it. Sometimes men insist on paying for the dates and my persistent refusal would seem rude.
I always offer to pay and back off when rejected. I am most comfortable with taking turns, i. However, older men seem to have this big-brother mentality, that they ought to treat you like a younger sister and take care of you and pay for everything. I dated several guys like that, the bigger the age gap, the less likely he would let me pay. I wasn't digging for gold, I just enjoy the conversation a lot more than with guys my own age or younger. Anon feb 18, 5: I've noticed this with older men too, and it can be really weird when he treats you like a little sister but you know he wants to boink you at the same time.
I have to admit to being old-fashioned. I do prefer for the man to pay on the first date any more isn't necessary unless it's his thing. I was taught that that is how a gentleman acts and I'm put off by any man who doesn't do that. So yeah, call me old-fashioned. If a man I date has a different opinion to me then it's obviously a clash of values. I did have a rich boyfriend and was a bit ticked off that he didn't pay for me so much. Wait, let me explain. It's not because I wanted a chunk of his wallet.
It's because he'd deliberately avoid making romantic gestures that would incur a cost because he had some complex about all women being golddiggers. Basically, he was hedging his bets. I actually spent more money on him in the relationship despite me being a bit of a poor sod who was too hopelessly besotted. I don't like keeping score but clearly that arrangement didn't work. I also like the idea of an older guy having dated a wider variety of women and so the chances of him knowing what's important to him in a relationship are higher, " just wanted to add that a man who "dated a wider variety of women" is NOT necessarily more likely to know "what's important to him in a relationship.
Whereas the man who "just knows" that a woman is the one for him without having had to date "a variety of women," just seems like a man who would be more willing to commit and remain faithful. There's also a major advantage of him having less baggage, and the woman he's married to not having to worry about being compared to all the other women he's been previously with.
The stats linked earlier clearly show that most marriages have an age gap of years. Even years ago the average age difference wasn't more than that. Im a 23 year old and while I do find older men attractive its not something I would seek right now, personally. Id much rather marry a guy years older and look forward to him becoming a silver fox. There is a world of difference between a 20 and 30 year old, but the difference between, say, a 35 and 45 year old are less pronounced. I am somewhat of an "old soul".
When one comes up to me I automatically filter them out as being mainly interested in sex or arm candy. Even though most guys years older than me will still be mostly interested in sex I at least know that there is a higher likelihood of them being attracted to me on a personal level, outside of physical attraction.
If the large age gap works for you thats great and I wish you the best of luck. However, given the statistical evidence it isnt common nor is it something most women are into, unless the man in question is exceptional and has an overabundance of a specific characteristic she is attracted to ie power, fame, money, wisdom, dentures: Why not have more confidence that your personality might be appealing to a wider range of men?
It sounds like feminist propaganda trying to convince men and women that they can't have enough in common with each other if there's a larger age gap. How do they know? Maybe the odds are that they won't have as much in common but if both find each other attractive and like each other's personality then go for it.
Our personalities are a culmination of our biology, upbringing, and cultural references; the latter two being influence by the generation we grew up with. Chances are a man who is closer to my age will be more compatible with me in that regard. Thats just a fact. Thats not to say there are no 35 yr olds that would be compatible but generally speaking a 27 yr old would be a better fit. This is not the result feminist bougie women, its a preference women have for men who are slightly older than themselves, exceptions notwithstanding.
I certainly don't dispute the average age diff. I'm not saying young women should get with older men, just that if that younger woman and older man want to and are compatible then more power to them. Human are living longer and longer while taking less care of themselves. I have no desire to be stuck playing nurse to my husband while I'm still wanting to travel Europe in my retirement. That is a large reason why I cap my upper age limit to about 7 years.
Not only that, marriage is more than just about looks and money. It is also finding someone who is my best friend. If you have a generation gap, that is less likely to be the case. Not to mention the "life experience" of someone that much older than me will probably have. I want someone to experience life with me, not watch as I experience it.
And for those seeking much younger mates because they are more attractive? A word of caution if you will - someone who is in their mid to early twenties is still growing and learning about themselves.
Who they are now, is not who they will be 10 years from now. Yes, everyone changes through time, but not nearly as much as in our youth. Personally, if I was a man, I'd take a hot 30 year old over a hot 20 year old.
Just by virtue of being young, the 20 year old looks hot. The 30 year old had to work at it. That ups her chances of not "letting herself go" once she has a ring on her finger. To each her own. If you can find that man your same age that wants to marry and so forth then more power to you. But some women can't and so them it's better to marry an older man and then be single for the last 10 or 15 years of her life than alone her whole life.
Let's assume she lives to 81 http: That means they can have 41 years together and then she will have 15 years alone after he dies. So, that is a real likelihood but you have to compare it to her options.
If she loved him more than the other men she could have had then I'd say 41 years together is pretty awesome. As to not being able to be friends or best friends with a man that's 10 years older I just flat-out disagree. Maybe the odds are smaller but it can still happen.
Once the woman is 35, yes, but 30 is still young enough that she'll probably only be very slightly below her peak beauty. For the single white woman in the US, her life expectancy is 81 per the link I provided. For black females, it's But let's use Some, granted, slowly, but once you get to that age, looks quickly stop being about "lucky genes" and start becoming about how much effort your are willing to put into it. You need to eat right, you need to exercise, you need to not chop off your hair just because you are now a mom and it is "easier", you need to continue to dress nice even if you are so tired you just want to put on sweats, you need to take time to do your beauty regiment even if you need to put food on the table and run that errand!
American women are notorious for letting themselves go after they get married. If you want to remain "hot" you have to work for it and want it , and yes, that means starting as early as your mid-twenties.
I wish someone had told me that! Maybe I wouldn't be single today. I started to really care about my looks at 28, and sadly, I think it is too little too late. I think I did too much damage to my body during that time that no amount of anything will turn me pretty.
True story, my hair dresser is Korean and said to me, "When you finally get a boyfriend, come back here and I'll put highlights in your hair. The lady who did my hair was American and I asked her about highlights. She said, "Yeah, you should get them, it will help you get a boyfriend. And, although I don't disagree with what you are saying about age, I'm not talking about living 10 to 15 years alone because your husband passed on.
I'm talking about when they are still alive but are so bad they can't take a shower, dress themselves, or even go to the restroom without help. I see it with my own parent's who are falling apart in their mid's. I see it with my 80 year old grandma who has to be taken care of like an infant. Maybe it is more an issue of health and how important it is for you to try to live healthy than age, but I rather be single and be able to live for myself than married to someone I have to live for before they can't do it themselves.
If you have never cared for an elderly person, it's hard to understand. So, if you don't want to take care of a man who is old then I guess you'd have to marry a man about 10 years younger than you! If he's 10 years younger then you'll die 5 years before him and he'll have to take care of you! All this just seems like too much thinking. Find someone you're mutually in love with and be happy as long as you can and take care of each other when that time comes. J, you have good points.
I never thought of that Why do you say it's too late for you in the looks department? Not speaking about J but too much tanning, drinking or drugs or other miscare can age a woman and there is little to do once the ageing has set in. I'm going to stop drinking. After drinking at university, I can tell it's aged me even if only a little bit. The tanning is the worst though. Luckily I don't really tan because I live in Scotland but I still go out with sunblock every day without fail in order to block the UVA rays.
I read somewhere that this is far more effective than buying anti-aging creams later on. I agree with you! This is not bragging, just my 2cents, but as a "hot" 26 y. The thing is, because I have the choice, if I want to get married now i'll look for the guys who are young and fresh.
That's an opinion I share with the majority of my girl friends. And even if older guys appear to be be more mature and stable, they sometimes have others issues that makes them not so desirable bitterness, not so fun Assuming for argument's sake that you are hot then that makes you a small minority of women and yes, you can have your pick of many men though not all.
What advice would you give the average or ugly girl, though? I'm curious, are all your friends as hot or hotter than you? If so, then your advice isn't harmful really since you have so many men to choose from. But what about those who don't have so many. Don't you think that they would do well to expand their age range to up the number of good guys to choose from? That likely would mean they the average and ugly girls should consider older as well, if they are 26 then a woman should consider a man into his mid 30's but possibly even a year or two younger if he has his act together, though it's likely that the slightly older guy will have his career more in place and be looking to marry.
Even hot girls should probably be willing to think upwards in age. Basically, if keeping a narrow age range works for you and you can easily find a great guy to marry or date then continue. But a lot of women complain that they can't find a good guy, so, expand your age range a bit and see what you find.
In the end you don't have to go for the older guy but it probably makes sense to at least consider the possibility. I am not the poster above but I can answer that. I am 25 graduate student and fairly attractive. I think the age range is a bit narrow, personally for me.
But I don't think there is such a thing as 'ugly girl', though some have better features and genetics than others. Before throwing in the towel to date whomever you can get. You must work on yourself first. At least try to get around your age if you have time In your 30s, I agree with your mentality, even though you should never let yourself go.
Even in marriage, never let yourself go. So maybe you don't like the word 'ugly' but will you at least agree that there are women who men find to be physically attractive, average and unattractive? I think that the important people to ask though is men. Do they believe there are unattractive or ugly women? Obviously, the answer is yes. But such women can find bf's or husbands if they will work on themselves and lower their expectations to more realistic levels.
I had one friend that was on the unattractive side of things who was wanting guys that were on the attractive side in all three areas of career, looks and personality. She was being totally unrealistic. Also, I think your age range of men is reasonable, especially if you're not finding it too hard to find good guys to date. The reason I had such a response to the word 'ugly' is because most woman are complacent to throw in the towel.
Unfortunately, ugly in today's day and age refers to body over features, due to the obesity crisis in America. I have seen plenty of average looking woman, at best, get married over their overweight attractive friends simply because of a little effort. With all the resources out there to make anyone attractive, I have run across very few women that are beyond repair. I work on myself all the time.
And I think it is important for less attractive woman to realize this. No one grows up and maintains 'model status' with little effort. Not that I am 'model status', just presenting an extreme. Granted I have my own issues to deal with, even with enough guys to date. Building your career as a women foremost has its repercussions. I could not hold a relationship with men my age from ages 18 to Men my age would consider seriously dating me until it got difficult with my moving around.
It was easier to date good-looking, easy girls that followed them, idolized their wit, and were present for sex without LDR. It hurt to break up like that, especially when these men would break all contact yet follow you on social networking for whatever reason, impeding moving on.
I agree that if a lot of the young overweight women would lose some weight that their underlying features are anywhere from average to attractive and certainly better than when being hid by 10, 20, 50 or more lbs of extra weight. And, no, women, please don't go to unhealthy extremes in trying to lose weight. Men don't prefer anorexic looking girls over more normal-but-not-fat looking girls.
However, they might prefer the really skinny girl over the fat girl. Hope you're in a more stable situation now so you can have a good relationship and even marriage with the right guy. It sounds like you might be.
Girls generally take being "hit on" as validation. Us guys hit on a lot of girls. The gap between girls that I'll hit on vs girls that I'll commit to is massive.
If that makes you feel better about yourself, you're like the guy that jumps at and does tricks for any sort of female attention. Be better than that. I'm overweight myself and have been for a while although I recently lost 20lbs. I still have another 20lbs to lose to look my best. After I read something in this blog about waiting to see which men are attracted to me, I decided that it was worth investing the hard work to put myself in a better position.
Then there is the obvious translation into feeling great about yourself. It makes me slightly queasy sometimes when a man is hitting on me because I can't work out how real it is. I dislike it if a man calls me "beautiful" or "gorgeous" but I still accept the compliment graciously. I have to say that I completely agree with you about not jumping at any guy who gives you attention.
That is not something I do in spite of how I occasionally feel otherwise. And I believe that some men can sense if you're the type of woman who would jump at any attention, and use that to their advantage. I think your comment was very apt. Part of why some women say a lot of stuff like that is because of oneupmanship over who is the hottest. I know it sounds silly but it happens. Sometimes other women have tried to jeopardize my chances with certain men by telling me "oh he's not really into you.
He's only being friendly". And on occasion I've had some women tell me I'm not as hot as them because they've slept with more men than me. If I'm not interested in shagging someone for the sake of it, some tell me I'm frigid.
This stuff hasn't stopped even though I'm almost in my mid-twenties. I still don't understand why some women choose to run each other down.
We are all beautiful in our own way. Lucy, some men will exaggerate their compliments to try and get in a woman's pants. So, watch what men do, not what they say. However, excessive compliments seems more like a chump move and so those guys probably aren't getting laid a lot unless they have a lot of charm and other attractive stuff going for them.
As to number of sex partners having anything to do with the female's attractiveness, no. Men looking for casual are willing to sleep down in "quality" so a woman can basically rack up as high a number as she wants. It seems like projection of those women's thoughts about how only really attractive or charismatic or famous men can sleep with 's of beautiful women.
And N is an incomplete piece of data, you need to know how hot the women were. What does tell you about how attractive a woman is overall not just looks is who wants to have a relationship with her. And regarding her looks, get a representative sample of men with no ulterior motives to rate the looks and then you'll know. Men can tell pretty quickly if a woman is a 5 or a 7 or a 9 in looks to him.
Thanks for your response, HanSolo. Just to clarify that I'm definitely aware of that but I think it's a lot less bother to say 'thank you' than to start outwardly scrutinising a comment. I generally don't like compliments like that because they feel very insincere and I don't want to be put on a pedestal or objecified.
Most of the guys who hit on me seem to be like that. It's actually quite hard to find a normal healthy guy with no baggage let alone someone I have a connection with and who is on a level with me I mean in terms of how they talk to me and not about looks or anything like that. And I can't answer that for myself yet as I'm in a situation where I'm meeting hardly any men.
So there you go. I'd rather focus on my overall quality as a person than get tied down worrying about what I look like. Lucy I am about to totally launch into guy trying to solve your problem mode!!!! Not sure where you are but have you tried online dating? On POF, there are x as many men as women you can actually search and see how many are returned in the area you're looking at and so even though there will be a lot of incompatible men there are likely to be a few that would be great guys.
Guys don't get written often either so you could try writing a few that seem like good yet realistic matches. As in other situations, don't go for someone way out of your league or they'll likely just want casual sex if anything. And what's the worst that could happen? Likely they just don't respond and look on the bright side! I think focusing on your overall quality as a person is good Yes, men and women can get too superficial about looks sometimes but there is also a good reason that men and to a lesser degree, women care about looks and height and teeth and such.
Fertility, healthiness, and strength were things that allowed our ancestors to survive and reproduce and we have inherited being attracted to many of those things. Anyway, I assume that you might be meaning that you don't just focus solely on your looks and if so then I think that's great.
However, I would highly recommend giving some attention to your looks unless they're already maximized since even raising your looks by 0. CastleFebruary 18, at 4: Where is the love? This seems like an instruction booklet to breeding.
I would rather be single than settle for someone who wasn't my best friend and lover. I value friendship more now than I did in my 20's. Do you guys consider love at all? Does your attractiveness for a woman increase the more you like her personality? It works that way for me. You can be a stud but if you're dumb, take a hike.
Does being a '10' trump intelligence every time? I wonder because I hear a lot of guys say, bitches be crazy! Will you put up with the crazy as long as she's hot? Kendra, welcome to the difference in male and female attraction triggers. Looks are more important to men than to women.
But women are attracted to charismatic, successful, and famous men. It is what it is and it's best to accept reality and make the best of our lot in life instead of wanting to change everything around us--a nearly impossible task.
I'm in my late 20's and consider myself to be mature, however, because I've often been told that I look younger than my age, when I have been approached by older men, who I know are attracted to me and like the fact that I'm younger than them I don't always feel like I'm taken as seriously or shown as much respect by them, in spite of the fact that I'm intelligent and mature. Although I would prefer a man who is only years older than myself, I would be open to dating someone years older.
However, I do have some questions. The first being, do older men really view women years younger than them as equal partners worthy of their respect, or just silly young bimbos?
I frequently hear about mens' preference for younger women, but even if they manage to get one, they'll sometimes complain about her lack of maturity and treat her like she doesn't know anything, even that's not true. Another question I have is, are some older men who pursue women years younger just looking to re-live some of their youth? Lastly, how do you filter between the men who are still single in mid's because they haven't found the right woman, as opposed to those who might just be immature, players, or potential confirmed bachelors?
I view younger women as potentially equal partners. But that depends on the content of their character. If they are intelligent, mature, kind and intellectually curious then I will grant them the respect they are due. So, I think a lot of guys do want to respect the woman they're with and if you give them a chance to get to know you they will find that you are intelligent and mature.
You just have to filter out the ones that aren't looking for that. Some men may be looking to relive their youth a bit but as long as they treat you well and are looking for long-term assuming you want that then what's wrong with them feeling pleased with being with a younger looking woman such as yourself. There could be issues later on if he is an extreme case but if he's treating you great and wants to commit then I wouldn't worry about it too much.
How do you filter? As Andrew said above you can bring up related topics after a date or three such as what he thinks about his nephews or what he thinks about what's wrong or right with relationships these days.
I wouldn't come right out at the start and say, "Are you looking to get married in 1 year and be faithful forever and have kids? And finally, look at how he treats you. If he's being really aloof and just into it for the sex then you have your answer. If the conversations are great and he's respectful and that can be in addition to great sex too and introduces you to his friends and family eventually and wants to do lots of stuff with you and make you his gf then you likely know he's looking for long-term commitment.
I don't think it's that hard. Just use some common sense and get a couple trusted guy friends that aren't secretly in love with you so that they sabotage you with their advice or a brother that you can get the male perspective from on the guy's actions.
I like my half brothers best friend, he's got a personality type that I like and seem to just click with, maybe I'm imagining it I don't know, I really only meet a guy I feel that kind of drawn to once every few years though so I feel its worth getting a second opinion. He's also friendly with my other brother, we all socialise together sometimes but we have our own friends too. Few obstacles though, namely that he has a girlfriend, and he's also nearly a year younger I normally only ever like guys a good few years older.
And we drunkenly slept together a little while ago after I went on a night out with my half brother and his friends, they fell asleep and he sat up chatting and having a drink, the rest is kind of a blur. I'm aware potentially moving in on someone else's boyfriend is not reeally a nice thing to do, but you know we're both young, boyfriends and girlfriends do come and go. Anyway after that happened I just thought well I've fucked it now anyway so just forget about it, we were in touch for a little bit afterward but then the other brother found out and kicked off, I went back to the city I study in, and I've not had much opportunity to spend time with him since, but when I have as I said I just thought I'd destroyed any potential for anything anyway so I've just been generally friendly but not gone out of my way the odd time I have seen him.
I've spent a bit of time with my half brother recently and he brought it up in context of something else I can't remember what now so I had the opportunity to quiz him a little bit, he seems to think that his mate likes me, he said his mate has said I'm a laugh, that if he split up with his girlfriend he'd want to be with me, a few things to that effect. My brother's response is always shut up you've got no chance,but they're quite banter-y lads anyway. I was also expecting about ten years of "That's not what your sister said!
I got the impression my half brother wouldn't have minded if me and him got together properly , but I'm wondering if he might be filtering what his friend has said through his own opinion i. He also seems to think the relationship is on the rocks, but I know he doesn't personally find the girlfriend attractive so obviously he's not going to see what his friend sees in her. If nothing else I'm just happy that he doesn't think badly of me now and that we can all still be friendly.
Just for additional info he wasn't weird at all with me in the morning, chatty as ever, brought me a cuppa grabbed the seat next to me in the car etc. But as I said we kept in touch for a bit but no huge effort made to spend time with me, last time I heard from him was a random text on my birthday.
The other brother was disappointed in me and I think upset that his friend crossed the line though they're not nearly as good friends.
He also has a close friend of his own that we've known since childhood that I think he would quite like to see me end up with. Any other time I've been around that guy both brothers have been there, and I don't know about him but I've felt conscious of it.
Did you sleep with him before or after he had the girlfriend? Regardless, I'd wait until he's single before pursuing him if you decide to pursue him at all. As they say and there's some truth to it , the way you get someone is the way you lose him, so if you take him away from his gf then that means he's the type of guy that can be taken away from a girl and might sleep with another girl while drinking. If you were both drunk and slept together while he had a gf then I'll give you a half pass because you were drunk but not a full one.
If he did have a gf I think you should also look to make some changes in you as well. Not trying to be a harsh dick but if you want a really happy and faithful relationship with someone you have to act that way from now on and not go after other women's men.
Please clarify if he had a gf when you slept with him because because I think that is a huge sign as to whether either of you is really ready and fit for a serious faithful relationship.
That said, if you two really are compatible then you can go out with him when and if he's single again and see but I wouldn't try to steal him away from her. Also, I would continue your life and meet guys in the meantime and not just wait for him forever. Thanks for replying 'twas a bit of a yarn, especially as I'm asking advice on something maybe I shouldn't be doing No he was with his girlfriend at the time, I have virtually no recollection of it happening to be honest I don't drink like that often either it's just my brothers and their friends tend to constantly buy me drinks when we go out and that night I got too drunk.
I don't go after other women's men, it's not something I've ever done before as it goes, but the older I get the more I see things less black and white, it might be that we are more compatible or maybe not the way I see it if there is someone else you like better then you're free to leave.
I always followed these strict rules actually and to be honest it's not helped me meeting anyone I'm compatible with, and I see most people bending them. So I have sort of changed my outlook, but starting from not going after another woman's man ever I wasn't looking to really throw myself at him now anyway, just engineer some situations I could spend a bit of platonic time with him, get to know him a bit better and then presumably if he thought I was worth it he'd leave of his own accord to maybe in some circumstances it's ok.
My bigger concern is whether he is ready for a relationship - not that I'm completely unconcerned about his having a girlfriend but I've never met her or heard much about her so she doesn't really seem real to me, plus I don't really believe you can steal someone, I reckon they'd stay if they wanted to stay - but as I said he's a bit younger than me, been in a relationship for a while, I'd be more concerned about maybe not being ready for a or another relationship.
I've been out on a few dates and stuff since, I'm clearly the common denominator here ha ha but I meet a guy where there's that mutual attraction about once every four years literally, if that explains why I'm making a big deal over this one despite the potential drama, and why in this case I'm not wanting to put some random girls needs above my own harsh as may be, but I'm sure as hell another girls never done that for me before.
The other stuff would be more of a concern really. What do you make of my brothers reactions'? Well, meet up in groups with him and avoid drinking too much. I wouldn't pursue him though. Use the group hang-out time to see if you even really think he's relationship material or not.
Don't try and sabotage his gf though. If he doesn't like her enough he'll break up. If he likes you more and her not enough then eventually he'll break up with her and make a move. The age thing doesn't matter so much though younger men are less likely to want a relationship So, take it casual and let things happen and figure out in a more calm way if you really like him. Probably will be more useful for you though to forget about him and find someone else that is single and really examine why you find you have a connection with so few men.
Maybe you're really picky or are hard to get along with! But, I'd really look inside you and figure out why you're not feeling a connection more often. Are you really picky and very rarely is anyone good enough for you? Think of the kind of man you want and are you what he would want? I'm not saying you're not. Just some food for thought with very little info about your looks or personality to say anything better. Yeah I agree, it's not lazyness but I don't want to pursue, I just think I'd initially have to engineer some group situations myself and then be able to gage my interest if its worth all the potential drama and his.
I've thought about this myself before, I'm going to go easy on myself and say it's not a case of me or anyone else not being good enough, more a case of just not coming into contact with the right personality types.
For instance the men I've liked in the past have been at least 5 years older, they've tended to have practical kind of jobs, and kind of a laid back attitude, more rebellious in the past and kind of a hedonistic streak. I'm actually doing a difficult degree that I realised was not for me about a year in but I've stuck it out for the full four because I wanted to get the qualification. As a result I've made less close friends on the course than I have at High school, college, jobs people on other courses etc although still quite a few , quite a few of the ones I most clicked with have dropped out or changed courses, I generally get on with most of the people but just in comparison to how many people are on it there's not many where I'd say we really click.
It's also about 70 per cent women. To be honest a lot of them come across as overly competitive and anal to me, although I don't find a bit of competitiveness as off putting in men as I do in other women. So I don't think I'm coming into contact with that many people that would be right for me on a daily basis, I'm laid back myself, I am a bit hedonistic although I'm not a waster - I am doing a difficult degree and I have managed to stick it out for four years and get good grades even though I hate it.
I was pretty rebellious as a teenager as were most of my close friends - even the ones I met after, I think most university educated people, or at least the ones on the difficult courses, have very much stuck to the path that's expected of them all the way along.
It's a good trait but I don't really understand them,and some of those types might think they like me at first but in the end I don't think I'd be what they'd be looking for either. Both of my brothers fit this personality type which is why we get on, although the half brother has cheated on every girlfriend he's ever had so far which is a bit ominous.
I know those personality types comes with their flaws but I'm that way out and I've never had a problem being faithful - although I'm a woman so maybe it's different longest relationship was 4 years. I'm really wanting to know if anything can be gained from my brothers reactions though, especially as they know us both and have been completely opposite?
HanSoloFebruary 18, at 2: What exactly does it mean for a woman to look young for her age? Does Jennifer Aniston look young for her age? I'd appreciate an example, if possible. It seems to me that "you look young for your age" is becoming a safe way to compliment someone.
I get that a lot even though I don't think I look young for my age. Some of my colleagues are in their late 40s and early 50s, they take good care of themselves so they don't look old, but they still look their age. I think the same thing when American women say "I still get carded.
Yes the difference for me is that they gasp in astonishment and go on and on about how young I look. Most people do not look like a teenager when they are That's looking young for your age. Looking good for your age would probably be more appropriate, in terms of what you are talking about.
But ultimately, it's not common. I live in LA, the mecca of Hollywood, so I would say people are more on the attractive side here than anywhere else in the US. So things are a little skewed here, so I imagine this does not apply to most people who live outside of the bubble I'm in. Interesting how almost a dozen upper 20s, early 30s women on here have already used this one in the comments, yet they are still looking for a man.
Andrew, you must draw the most statistically improbable subset of single women to your site, considering a ton of them proclaim to be gorgeous, "look younger for their age" and mature. It's amazing how they can't seem to find bfs and husbands.
I saw this after I posted below. I am always told I look much younger than I am- I always have. I live in a college town, so more often than not, the first question I get is what I'm studying or what year in school I am. Just two years ago 28 at the time , I was in a high school volunteering and got in trouble for being in the hallway, because another teacher didn't believe that I wasn't a student.
Its genetic in a way- my mother is 55 and often thought to be in her early-mid 40's. It doesn't help that I am short and in good shape- I look like what my yr old self should look like. I am routinely hit on by guys at least 3 years younger than me, but even as young as Some of the posters mostly men it seems seem to think that because we and many others say we look younger, we're disillusion or something. I mean do they really think that the people who tell us we appear to be younger are really just engaging in a kind of false flattery?
I don't know about you, but most of the people who tell me I look younger are not friends or family members so it's not like they have a vested interest in making me feel good about myself, so I think it's safe to assume that their assessment of my appearance is accurate.
You can look younger than your age and still not be attractive. Me, case in point. How do you know you truly look young for your age? Look I am Asian, and I look young for my age even for an Asian. I am 30 and just today a guy freaked out because I told him I've been living in LA for 7 years now.
He said, "So you moved here when you were 13?? This is sincerely not the case for most people. Most people do not age well. This is just my own experience. All of my friends are aging like normal people. I have been told by guy friends that I'm aging better than any girl they've ever known. I commented once about this because I was annoyed that it was said that all women at 30 are on the same scale of attractiveness. Besides looking young, I am gorgeous. And I know plenty of models, and beautiful women who are still single.
I focused on my career so I did not want to be in a relationship for a long time. But even many well-known supermodels are single, etc. I don't speak for the majority of the women posting, or for the majority of the women in the world.
I just spoke to clarify that this is not the case for me. I genuinely look younger than my age and I'm 23 I look about 3 years younger. It's not to do with how I dress. I have a baby face. But I'm under no illusion that it gives me any special advantage over other women. If you look young but are not pretty then no it doesn't matter much.
If you are pretty and you look young, it gives you an edge for sure, for a long time to come. Anyway this doesn't apply to most people so we should just move on to more productive topics that do refer to most people. I guess I am just really bad at discerning how old a woman is. I won't be able to tell if two women are three years apart, if they both look their age.
Do the Olson twins look young or old for their age 26? I think I look exactly the same as I was three years ago, and I don't know how I am supposed to look for my age. Any how, I am glad that some of you look young for your age, I just won't be hanging out at the bar with you! If you're not sure, then you do not look young for your age. Most celebrities do not look young for their age, they look good for their age. When I say I look young for my age, I merely point this out because it's not a few years difference, it is about a decade.
But most people are not aging like this, so there's no point in discussing it further. Most of my girlfriends are out of their peak and most assuredly losing their looks.
For me it's part of how I act as well. I'm very smiley and have dimples as well as a youthful in my spirit. I don't think that is actually always a good thing because I get too many funny old men hitting on me which doesn't say anything about my level of attractiveness anyway. I'm pretty bad at discerning the age of some men. I met this guy in a bar recently and we decided to guess each other's ages.
I thought he was 36 and it turns out he was 10 years younger. In fact, I used to routinely do three things in order to win favor with attractive older women in bars: This was before I realized that women like men who are honest and sincere. Now I just avoid asking, or have no reaction when they tell me their age if it comes up naturally.
BUT, I did do those things for a long time and I have seen other guys do exactly the same thing. I am not saying that women are categorically lied to about how young they look, but I am saying that there is some reason to doubt verbal statements of surprise - people generally want to make you feel good about yourself, especially if they are trying to attract you. I think J at But if you are basing your claim to apparent youth on verbal statements from random people, or people who have reason to make you want to feel good, there is reason to doubt.
The latter includes people who are self-conscious about aging themselves and want to spread good "age-karma" around - my mom is like this. She tells people they look young for their age because she knows she looks old for hers and wishes someone would say she looks young.
Yes, you are right about the examples J mentioned, and it is not common. I think when you are an extreme case you pretty much would know, and when everyone I come into contact with thinks I am younger, men, women, older, younger, on a daily basis.
But this is so redundant because most people do not look young for their age. Andrew is response to your comment, "but if you are basing your claim to apparent youth on verbal statements from random people, or people who have reason to make you want to feel good, there is reason to doubt. I have 2 younger beautiful sisters who are always complimented for their looks because they are in fact gorgeous, but they do not however look their younger than age. I on the other hand am older than them, but am almost always mistaken for the youngest.
Really, I'm not trying to get validation, but I just don't get how so many of the posters are calling bs when it comes to the fact that some older women Do actually look younger than their age.
Seems like a need to bring these women down a few notches when there's really no reason to. Looking younger is part of one's physical image and describing it as part of our appearance is not really all that different than talking about our height, figure, ethnicity, hair color, etc.
Just in case there WAS any wishful thinking involved I am not pointing fingers or claiming that there definitely was , I recounted my experience.
Regarding the people like my mom It is strange that she does this with no obvious or concrete motive; but I think people especially naive white people have this feeling of "communal good-will" whereby they do good to others because they feel that it is what one "should do" - and then they can go off and feel like they deserve it back, whether or not it ever actually gets reciprocated.
I was honestly asking for a point of reference. It just happens that no gal I know stands out as looking young for her age. To me, the concept seems very subjective and abstract. If someone asks me what it means to look exotic, I would pick a celebrity and maybe describe that she has green eyes with olive skin and etc.
Definitely not trying to bring anyone down. Let's all go to sleep now so we won't look tired in the morning! As another commenter said, it's relevant in saying because when we are trying to get advice you can understand the context of our options better. Like when a woman on here says she is very attractive, then when addressing her questions you realize that she has more options than an unattractive reader. It's just to get a better, more fine-tuned analysis.
If I ask a question about dating and I'm very attractive, or if I'm fat, I think those details matter. If I'm 30 but look a decade younger that just means I do have more options than a normal 30 year old. This is one of the reasons why I have personally stated this on the blog. But as I've said, I'm hyper aware that this is not common. I know only one other girl like this, and she's also Asian. Having said that, I think we need to move on from this.
Suffice it to say, most women look their age. My bed time reading brought me to an article about how sex makes someone look younger by years.
Apparently some researchers believe that a vigorous sex life with the same partner slows the aging process, whereas the stress and worry from frequent casual sex does the opposite. Does anyone here have any observation or experience to share? I get tons more attention from men in my early thirties than I did as a teenager and early twenties. The turning heads on the street, asked for number at nightclub. Explain -- well, I did marry at 19, so my most 'eligible' years were spent married unfortunately.
But also, my personnel most attractive physically years were in my late 20s and early 30s. And my grandmother looked her personal best in her 40s and 50s. You need all the luck you can get. Speak for yourself delusional. But I am lucky, I am now married to a fabulous man I'd rate a I don't think that divorced men should be eliminated from consideration entirely. Relationships fail for all sorts of reasons.
Marriage shows a more serious commitment, but it doesn't guarantee that two people can stay together happily over an extended period of time. Anyone who has gone through a divorce has learned an important lesson of life. Not all of them are jaded, bitter, or lousy ex-husbands. I actually agree with Andrew on this. I'd rather not date a divorced man, maybe if I had no other options, but not while I still do.
Could all the anonymous commenters choose a name or something. It gets really confusing to know who's responding to whom. Andrew, is there any way you can remove the Anonymous option? That way people have to use some name or other and they can even call themselves anonymous if they really insist on that.
How to Comment Using a Name. All right, all right. Depending on the nature of my comment, I will post as either Honey or Cough Syrup. Andrew, you should compile some of this stuff in an e-book. I know I would buy a copy. In fact, the threshold might be even lower than 40; but if a man hasn't settled down by then he is probably incapable of engaging in or maintaining a long-term relationship.
I have a friend who's dating a guy twice her age. They've been dating for 5 years and don't live together. He says he won't commit until he finds another job. I fear that she'll be in a situation where she'll never get the commitment she desires although her wanting commitment is an assumption I've made. I definitely won't poke my nose in.
On settling down stuff, I frequently hear men being described as 'commitment phobes'. I don't think this is true in most cases. Do you know any man who identifies with that feeling?
I get nervous around those men because they are really hard to please and I never feel like I can live up to their expectations. Maybe men really do fall in love harder. In terms of being commitment-phobes, I think that's BS. It's what guys use to get out of jail free. See Andrew's post here on it: Both the rules that the article criticizes and the "real rules" the article promotes are wrong lol.
I really liked this article: I legitimately get mistaken for much younger than I am and I'm starting to believe this is limiting the guys I'm able to meet. The older guys I should be getting to know and hoping to date see me and assume I'm younger and not serious I don't know how to counteract this effect. This is a family trait- appearing younger than we are- that many scoff at and say that I will appreciate more when I'm older which I assume is true , but right now I feel like its killing my ability to attract the right men.
I have been dumped by a couple of guys because I found out later I was too young and they were ready to settle down, and rather than asking me they assumed I wasn't. Except I was one respective 2 years younger than the guys that dumped me for that reason. I have also learned, through friends, that there were other guys that wanted to ask me out but didn't do it because I am so young.
Except I am even older than some of those guys. Now I am dating a very sweet and very handsome guy who is several years younger than me, but he has a great confidence adn is very smart, so he has no issue with that. Took a while to get there though. Happy for you, and best wishes to you and your man! Andrew, with this blog being called the rules revistited and all, may you please do a post on "the rules" and give your opinion on them?
It's been maybe 5 years now since I read that book, and to be honest I don't remember it well enough to write a review. My general impression is that it is a little too strict, and is now a little out-dated; but has a lot of valuable points.
The general idea of "let a man demonstrate his interest" is important. I think they recently a new edition with rules for online dating. The main idea I got from it was to look good, let him show his interest and be confident and feminine, which isn't too far from what you say but I could see how some women can take the "let a man demonstrate his interest" part per this books suggestions a bit too far.
I'm about to be 32 yikes! I feel like I was just too shy in my twenties and because of that I expected guys to come up to me and pursue me. The only guys that do that are confident guys, and if they can approach one pretty girl they can approach a bunch of pretty girls.
If they know they can do that, then they're not necessarily looking for a real relationship. I've grown more confident as I've gotten older and now that I'm a little wiser, this is the perfect time in my life to meet a real man.
Someone that I can be crazy in love with but that also will be with me no matter what happens in life. I still feel that I should be pursued but I've come to realize that the guys that are really interested in you are the guys that might need a little help approaching you. I think Andrew is doing a good thing for women out there and has good intentions.
Cut him a little slack. He's trying to help women get out of their own way so that real guys, the ones worth having you, actually have a chance.
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