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This post may contain affiliate links. I stole a quick glance at the photos that were mounted on the wall behind him.

Four middle-aged White Dudes. All of them were bearded and balding. All of them resembled the aging, stringy-haired members of the band Metallica. And all of them were pressed up against the model-thin bodies of a heavily made-up Japanese Beauty Queen.

Furthermore, I was bilingual, well-traveled and college-educated. But as I realized a few weeks into my stay in Japan, I was also mysteriously, frustratingly invisible. I asked for help reading restaurant menus and subway signs. My boss had been right. It was hard to be a single, western woman in Japan.

I turned to the Internet for advice and was surprised to learn that the Dateless Western Woman was a familiar character in the expat world, at least judging from the score of postings on expat forums by lonely, single females.

But as wide-spread as the problem seemed to be, it was one that many women avoided talking about. The pervading theory though, among expats and Japanese alike, was that Japanese men were in fact attracted to western women but were just too intimidated to do anything about it. Western women in Asia were like the Jennifer Anistons of the expat world.

Strong, independent, assertive and outspoken, they were interesting to admire from afar, but no man would ever dream of striking up a conversation with one. Western women were so different, so foreign, they were virtually un-datable.

Not true for their Y-chromosome-carrying expat buddies though. While the female expats spent Saturday nights alone, crying into their Ramen bowls, their male counterparts drank freely from the dating pool like they owned it.

Which in a way, they did. This would never happen anywhere else in the world. Because everywhere else, Barbie ends up with Ken, not his underemployed, socially-awkward, samurai-sword-collecting neighbor, Kevin.

But in Asia, dating rules defy all logic or evolutionary law. In Asia, the nerd is king. Not that I wished it otherwise. For the most part, I was happy for them. They were true success stories. Who could blame them for taking advantage of a magical loophole that allowed them to date women out of their league?

They were straight-forward and open-minded, for one thing. And through their Western, wire-rimmed eyes, they viewed relationships as an equal partnership, which was something the more traditional, close-minded of Japanese men still struggled to do.

I figured that so long as they treated their girlfriends well and both partners were happy with the arrangement, what did it matter if their peculiar quirks and bizarre comments got lost in translation a little?

Even the socially awkward deserved to love and be loved. But it was hard not to feel jealous. They were like kids in a candy store. The Japanese women were gourmet truffles, while the western women were the three-year-old tootsie rolls melted to the bottom of the barrel.

The Japanese men might have been frightened of us but the other expat men just flat-out ignored us. But they were the minority. Most western women came to Japan single and stayed that way. I inwardly congratulated myself for having beat the odds.

But as I trudged home to face another evening of reruns of The Office and left-over sushi from , I wondered at what cost. Most days I felt unattractive, unwanted and worst of all, unfemale. When not even a short skirt or slinky top attracted more than a passing glance and even construction workers, who could usually be counted on for a leer, regarded me with bored, blank expressions, I felt like a Martian.

And very, very alone. Wow Reannon, this is the most bitter but bloody honest read I have seen for months since I came to Japan in early June. I feel for your lonely experience as a foreigner and a female in this country. I find that entitlement attitude about sex is prevalent among all westerns. Western men come to Asia believing that because they are white males they are entitled to sex with Asian women. White women come to Asia feeling bitter because they have to compete against local Asian women for western men attention but look down on local Asian men.

Hmm…are we racist there? Why do white people have this superior complex and entitlement attitude. But as for the white women looking down on Asian men, that is likely just hypergamy. But if it ever becomes trendy do so, white girls will be flooding Asian countries.

They only care about what the man can do for them. White men are not going to countries like Japan thinking there entitled to sex form women. How silly and insecure for your to think that.

Asian women openly mock Asian men and white men do it too https: Proof God does indeed have a sense of humor. The only problem being they are a JOKE of epic proportions that stopped being funny a long, long time ago. Do you include your mother in that statement? Poor little Frank must have been hurt badly in the past.

I came to Japan for the first time 7 years ago when I was I mean, last time some total stranger tried to hit on me was like the day before yesterday. I even speak the Fukuoka dialect. But feels so weird that our experiences are the exact opposite. Whyra you sound like a total bimbo to me because trying to dress like a Japanese girl and think you are pretty is just shallow.

Whenever I see white girls trying to imitate Japanese girls, it makes me think less of them. So you are basically a promiscuous person who attracting other people through sex. Oh, by the way, for a woman to have tons of sexual partners is not difficult. Ahahaha…look at the haters here. First, you either have to be born attractive or spend money on overpriced make-up. Then you have to have the perfect body which any woman rarely has.

Then you have to buy overpriced good-looking clothes. Double standard slut-shaming right there. Men are not entitled to judge women on how they feel about themselves and how comfortable they are about their sex lives. I found your descriptions very reassuring as I am about to go on a three-month trip, financed via filming for an indy movie there.

We were giving the option of staying longer after the shoot ends but I was a bit worried how I might be viewed as a western women alone there. At least now, I have some better idea of how I can dress and act and still have a social life while away. Any other advice welcome! You sound like a girly girl who is comfortable with her femininity. This is attractive to men anywhere in the world.

It shows how warped Western culture has become. The truth is they are only low status in her warped world view, which judges men on very shallow criteria. These women have been well-raised and learned to look beyond the surface for what is truly valuable in a partner, and they consider the Western men to be a good catch.

The feeling is mutual — the white Western men who end up with Asian chicks do not in any way consider it a consolation prize, they are sick and tired of the entitled attitude and unreasonable expectations of Western women and regard Asian women as superior in every way. This is the harsh reality that the author skirts around. Western women are widely seen as defective across the rest of the civilized world.

I wrote this while in Japan last year…at a time when I was feeling pretty discouraged. Japan is obsessed with youth, fashion,and overall attractiveness. Unfortunately for the author she has none of those qualities. Combined with her arrogance and self entitlement, who would date her? Either she gets with the program and understand that she is average at best and will never pull a Japanese man, or just take a plane to Jamaica and call it a day lol. I understand the article.

Clearly ones own experience. Comment either agreeing or not agreeing. And how did her looks get into this?

What do you have against Metallica? You sound like a typical western entitled delusional feminist. You are not the gift to humanity dear. Overall you look average at best.

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The attention i usually received, however, was not sincere. At social gatherings, they usually sat with each other at one table, rarely interacting with their wives. When their kids approach school-age, they are faced with a dilemma: Sending a bi-racial child to school in a homogenous country like Japan is not easy.

Another option is to go back home. Many often have to return because the wives whose English is competent by local standards is usually way below what is needed to obtain employment or even survive in the USA etc. Furthermore, many do not have the skills or training to compete in the work force where dual-income households are the norm.

This what i frequently observed after the honeymoon is over! I love how feminists are all convienent biological and evolutionary determinists when it suits them. However the second you start discussing intrinsic differences between men and women which serve to explain and further justify the social and economic stratification of society, they shit themselves.

And even when reality takes you by the neck and shoves your noses into your shitty attitude you manage to blame everybody else for being nothing but horrible partners to men. But they will get laid and make money for their new families while you will end up as cat ladies when the bad-boy cock carousel throws you off for the new hot tweens.

American women really are pretty screwed up. Because the women never learn to treat men with respect as equal human beings, capable of the full range of thoughts, emotions and dreams, they live within a framework of rules and expectations when trying to interact with them.

This largely consists of sending severely mixed signals and failing to communicate effectively. Hmm…I am not sure how the view any of this…lol. I think things have changed since I was last in Japan. But when I traveled there a lot back in , I had many Japanese men as friends and a Japanese boyfriend who was pretty cute.

And before you even ask, no I am not cute, rail thin, or white. Yet, I have heard all the stories about foreign women having a time getting a date in the land of the rising sun. Your article was an informative and open look at how you felt about your experiences as a foreign woman in Japan. It took some courage to put that all out there so thank you for sharing it with us.

I know that sounds like a self-help slogan but it works for me. So keep the faith, he or she is out there people. Thank you writing this article. I found it very interesting and it was nice to hear of others with similar experiences. Some of the comments from the male demographic are very shocking and uncivilized. Japanese male-foreign female marriages actually outnumber foreign male-Japanese female marriages. I get J-guys chatting me up in konbini parking lots. I smile at people both men and women — not unheard of in the countryside and men smile back, maybe even too eagerly.

And I had to ask my resident J-guy for his thoughts on this. His answer — attitude. Uppity attitude and a smell of desperation are universal turn offs for guys, all over the world. His words, not mine. You are absolutely right. However, for smart foreign men, I am including myself here, the dating pool is made even more vast by the existence of the dateless foreign women.

This has had a serious ego fattening affect and I will certainly need counseling in order to re-adjust to life back in Canada but, for the time-being, I have super-powers.

I wish you better luck in love, lust and all the wonderful little human things that make it fun to discover new people. Just found this web site and this was the first article I read… if all articles are this good, I think I have discovered a new favorite web site. I am a little surprised at some the uproar from a few readers… as a western man who spent some time in Japan along with my western woman wife I think I can be an objective observer.

I thought Reannon was right on every account AND she did a wonderful job of pointing out a very real issue while at the same time being provocative and funny. Great article Reannon, looking forward to the next one. Foreign men are for the most part outside the norms, as are foreign women.

Life in the big city of Tokyo is somewhat different, since there are so many foreigners there, unlike many other parts of Japan. Have to say, as a Canadian white male married with kids to an Asian and living in Asia for 20 years, in general gotta agree with the author. Their anger and bitterness is usually kept a lid on back in their home country but when they come to Asia, where males generally still occupy more dominant position vis-a-vis the genders, emotions sometimes boils over.

Coupled with the fact that for some only god knows reason, many Asian women have a thing for White boys — leads to the Gaijin God phenomena. Consequently, Western woman can be a easy target — belittling, name calling, feminazis overtures bordering on misogyny and so on. Yeah, we are top of the totem poles again — lets get our licks in. Most reasonable and open minded people however, will understand and agree that gender equality is a good thing and a moral standard all cultures around the world should strive towards.

I read it and other similar articles on the plight of foreign women before going to Tokyo, and prepared myself for loneliness, and even bought a flexible ticket in case I wanted to leave Japan for a friendlier country. My experience has been the complete opposite… I have never had so much male attention in my life!!

I bought a few new feminine outfits for socialising. I made friends with Japanese girls, who were happy to take me along to social events, and introduce me to Japanese guys. I am working really hard to improve my Japanese language skills, especially pronunciation, so that I can have a conversation with Japanese guys.

I also make an effort to understand someone when their English is really bad, and give them positive and encouraging feedback. This is so important: I have been approached by sleazy men on the street, but if you want to be approached by a nice guy, you need to go somewhere where he has the opportunity to approach you. For example, a standing bar, a party, or some sort of social or networking event.

I read a lot of comments from posters about overweight American women. Sorry if my comment appears boastful. I just want to encourage other western women that there is hope here in Japan.

Your social calendar can be completely booked if you are willing to be a little open and have the right attitude. Anyway, I hope I have given you enough hope: No sex in the city by Reannon Muth of Vagabondish. Thanx for the story. Was there as well. Most important time of my life. But you know what, I love Japan for many reasons. It helped to grow up. Went there at I had the problem, that people looked at me all the time — and this was totally new for me, a shy and pale blondy from the countryside.

Never had that back home. Tatemae is not my style and never will be. You surely can get very depressed in Japan — but only if you let those bad feelings in. They will hit on you and you would get many dates. The western woman is the shining star here. And Western men get dates too.

However, my Korean boyfriend tells me it is a lot easier to date than a Korean women. Easy in the relationship sense. Not true for Western women everywhere. Grover — Aw, what a nice thing to say! I can relate to this article. As the world is becoming more globalized, western women no longer need to fear competition from Susie down the street, but also from some other woman halfway around the world.

Oftentimes these women are thinner, better looking and still raised with traditional family values instilled in them. Most women overseas are happy and grateful to receive the affections of a well educated western man from a good family. Contrary to the beliefs of many a scorned western woman, not all men that desire foreign companions are undateable nerds, losers or outcasts.

Many successful and attractive men are discovering their mates and life partners overseas. I predict that the demographic changes that will occur in the next 20 years will be astounding. Wow, what an extremely bitter author. Have you ever taken into consideration that your problem with dating in Asia may be because you just have a piece of shit personality?

Or lack a pretty face? She said that all Japanese guy wanted was a girl to look pretty and to open her legs. Nothing else was needed or desired. In the West, a guy wanted a relationship with her: I have read that some Japanese women are looking abroad for husband material. Sadly, three beautiful children later, they divorced. If you happen to fall in love with someone from another country fine, but this shopping attitude makes me cringe.

Stereotyping can be life-denying: So basically some chick goes a few months without getting laid and has to write a snarky depreciating blog entry attacking white dudes? Rather than lashing out, your time would be better spent on improving your own negative attitude. As expected, lots of bitter charisma men here: They get so defensive when people verbalize the truth — that Asia is full of loser foreign men.

Sex is easy to come by for foreign women in Japan. Sex is easy for women anywhere. But having relationships in Japan is almost impossible because Japanese men are too sexist and the majority of foreign males are weird.

Most Japanese girls dating foreign men are average at best. Jagged teeth, unflattering clothes, ignorance, pigeon toes, naive as hell, and minimal social skills are the norm. Perfect for Charisma men: Just make it a short visit or do a homestay. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and not everyone is going to find american women attractive and not every man finds asian women attractive.

The insulting comments were so unnecessary. This article was simply a woman sharing her experience. There was no need for everyone to insult and put each other down.

How do I know this? From approaching a lot of these western women. The perception is western women are hard to approach and hard to please so most men tend to steer clear especially when other alternatives are available.

Being a foreigner in Japan is definitely not easy, but then again it can be quite interesting. I was approached by many guys all the time to the point where it became uncomfortable. I truly believe it all comes down to attitude. And this is solely my experience! I soon realized that the more I dressed and acted like them, the more attention I got. Again, this is just my view on it after living there myself.

And striking a conversation with a stranger in Japan… well.. The keyword is to understand them. There are more than enough people to choose from in this world. So while its possible for a Western woman to have a string of one-night stands, or affairs with married men, getting a real relationship with a Japanese man is more difficult. I am a male. I lived in Japan as a student for a year. I consider myself otakuish at the time and presently. I am not unattractive.

Did I mention that I was black? Though not as easy as my Hitler calendar-boy colleagues man was he right or was he right? There real relationship unless you are hardcore intent on living and adapting to that culture.

I believe this goes for both genders sorry transexuals no matter what culture you are trying to flirt with. You are in Rome eventhough we are calling it Japan this time. I actually found it just as easy with girls various races for you wanna be eugenicists after I left Japan. Maybe some spark just needs ignition in all of us? Oh crap, my pony express riding great grandpa should have known! Western women smell like yeast?

On a global scale, what is the heiarchy of preference of women by stereotypical nationality anyways? How does it go for men? Any takers from other races? Enjoy the stuck up attitude and entitlement. Give me an Asian or Black woman anytime over a white woman. My experience in China was that blacks were fairly openly disliked there. They knew how to pickup chicks!

Thanks for the thought-provoking article. It seems that the issue does not just involve American women trying to date Japanese and possibly other Asian men, American women seem to have a very similar problem with British men.

This is borne out by the following BBC news item:. I really hate to sound harsh, but it makes one wonder whether there may be some sort of growing global boycott against American women………. I remember when I was a kid, I used to think adults were all mature, reasonable, and respectful.

Think about what is actually being said. This was probably the worst: Do we need to be enemies? Do we need to be better than other people? Do we need to put people done for the way they are? So what if a guy is born with less natural social skills? Do we need to put people down? What if I told you I was a dorky white guy with a Samurai sword?

Stop living a life filled with even a sliver of distaste in your mouth towards others. Next time you see someone, anyone that you have a stereotype for, try to actual think of that person as more than 1-Dimensional: I apologize for this comment being overly sappy, but the anger and bitterness in this thread needs are serious counter-weight.

Based off the talk here, it seems they must not be dorky not into anime etc. I just had to say I loved your article and its humour! Your article was funny in its honesty. Before I leave the house, I have to second think what I am wearing incase it sends the wrong message and attracts unwanted attention from creeps and sleezeballs. All men were quite nice, not very shy, friendly, they liked me a lot… I met one very nice man from Tokyo and we talk via skype regularly. First they were nervous and talked about weather and food and similar things, but later they opened and seemed to me very funny and enjoyable.

Put some nice feminine photos. Me bring home just bit more than minimum wage. Me then take pretty girl to move. Then we go to bedroom. And usually equally large asses. I understand your annoyance Reapwhatyousew is your name deliberately misphrased? Do you mean all men here are ill-educated? Or do less educated, skilled men get laid more often? Or that western women will sleep with anyone? There are male Neanderthals of course in Uk as well as in the US but it takes a female Neanderthal to go out with them.

He might be ill-educated, and poor too, but he might be kind and a good mate for someone, a good father for his children. Speaking as an individual western woman and for many of my friends, colleagues, acquaintances, I like intelligent, interesting, honest, kind, authentic caring, sexy, respectful, knowledgeable, preferably educated confident men. I know of no other woman who has or wants any other kind. Confidence and intelligence is sexy to me.

Prejudice or the despising of others is not. I lived in the Philippines for 20 plus years. In fact I grew up there. Before I came to Canada, I was enamored with White girls. Now, I do not have much interest at them because they feel so entitled, are uppity, loud, arrogant, and act like men. I am talking about most White girls I have met, not all. The author of this post is a good example of a bitter, man-hating White woman.

Maybe if you relax a bit and have some humility, you will have Asian men come to you. Men in Asia do not like uptight women.

Also, men in asia are used to women being women, not robots or he-women. And sorry, we Asian men do not think that every expat that comes to Asia is akin to Jennifer Aniston. Jennifer Aniston is not even that pretty. The author has traveled the world, but is yet still ignorant to the amount of foreign beauties. You are not any better lady. Get a grip on reality.

South American women are the hottest and most beautiful in my eyes btw. I have a friend that has a very posetive and outgoing personality. She is very strong minded, smart and pretty. She had no problems with Japanese men. Now she is married to a japanese guy: I hear this all the time from the expat women in Asia. But I have never had a problem with japanese men wanting to be with me in Japan. Secondly, I have a very open personality.

But I do find that what alot of expat women consider taking care of their bodies, and looking good…. Its not wearing 10pounds of makeup and fake eyelashes that make u look good, its taking care of yourself and ur body…. To clarify, my name was misphrased because I was about 11 hours into a grave shift when I wrote it.

Guys like myself I admit who are not sports builds or models, but who have college degrees, a good paycheck, and a personality that is deeper than a childrens pool have to work much harder at getting either meaningless sex OR a relationship due to first impressions. They want a nice guy who is smart, blah blah blah, and they end up with someone who is emotionally abusive, cheats, or is exactly the barbarian dipshit that I described.

It is funny though, because even after a difficult ice breaking encounter, their attitude changes a bit after they find out about my paycheck… but thats for another board discussing another issue. I think our western culture emphasizes the high of chemical excitement of immediately obliterating romantic sex or just sex so much that both genders fall to the ones that obviously ooze that charisma, no matter what their personality or values.

The baddies in films are more than not, drooled over by women all over the planet. Good for fantasy, bad for real life. Women are particularly susceptible though the guys get hooked as well. Despite our contemporary view of sex and relationships both biologically and socially, I think that the force of sexual allurement is still underestimated, still wildly primitive and likely to remain so for both genders. Not all will be blinded by this, and not just the unattractive and these are likely to be the golden ones.

The women that I mentioned have not partnered barbarians in their life though certainly found a few on the way. The ones more successful in their sexual and partnering hunt find a need to share values, to take some time, for respect. I do think you and I have to work much harder to obtain the relationships we desire.

Googling around the web and found this intriguing post! I find it hard to believe that a blonde-haired woman such as yourself and from your photo quite attractive spends her nights alone! Perhaps times have changed since this article was written! I too am foreign, female and reside in Japan though not in Tokyo. I do visit Tokyo often and find that I am simply not able to converse with any local guys. Everyone tells me I look Japanese but believe me, I have never had anyone try to pick me up in Tokyo!

I do try to talk to various people as I am inherently fascinated by many things here. But again, there are advantages to looking local at times. I tend to go around being ignored and I do admit that at times, I probably face less prejudice compared with some of my friends.

You deserved to be alone. I noticed how you just stopped responding to the male posts here against your article. Perhaps they are the ones who struck a nerve. The entire article was just amazing. All the time while you were spending those long lonesome nights with your vibrator…?

I sincerely hope that you and all other white or any color women stay far far away from Japan. I am not against American women at all. Yeah, some of them are stuck up bitches. But a lot of them are freaking awesome! She thought she was entitled to whatever naturally without acting like the locals and blending in. Your stuck-up attitude is very clearly deeply ingrained and will forever avert you from achieving your true potential. Wow, for some reason your story really touched me. I hope that one day you will be able to find a partner you can be happy with and thankyou for sharing your story and feeling with us!

This might be the first feed back from a Japanese male. I am a Japan-born Japanese male, a descendant of Samurai family, per cents of Japanese. But it was until just 7 years ago I came to the UK.

I have been working here in London since then and have found myself became more westernised. Now I have got objective eyes to compare myself in UK context with myself in the past within the Japanese local environment…In fact, before I left from Japan, I was literally desperate for a foreign girl friend just like you! After some failure to approach Japanese girls I started believing Japanese girls are too difficult for me to deal with due to their manner of unclear expression.

At some point I started convincing myself that open-mind Western girls are more suitable for me. I also believed I am a person who should look for a gender equal partnership rather than traditional Japanese way Later on I realised my behaviour is highly influenced by Japanese mind set through some experience with European girl friends though….

In addition to those points I have a little bit advantages. I am quite taller than average Japanese boys with long legs and not-thin eyes. I thought OK, this is my destiny to find a Western girl. It is time to carry on my plan! I decided to try any possible ways to get a Western girl friend in Tokyo.

I went to a popular club among foreigners, put my advertisements in free English magazines and took a place in language exchange parties. Soon I got a chance to date with a very attractive girl from US, but at that time my English is totally useless to last a conversation more than 5 minutes… Therefore, language!

This is one of very crucial issues obstructing us to develop sweet relation with foreigners. Many of Japanese guys who want to seek for romance with foreign ladies are usually not brave enough to confront this problem. There is another issue coming from nature of our society. We hardly have a frank communication with others on the street. Even though you are a Japanese looking for a Japanese — Japanese combination of partnership, you barely pick somebody up from outside of your own community.

On top of these issues as you may know we are too shy…The combination of those makes the worst result…But please do not forget there are many motivated Japanese guys like me.

After while living abroad I feel much more confident of English conversation. You just need to know where to find somebody like me. Not everywhere so you need to know some clue. Take ten random young Japanese women off the street and they will most likely be more attractive to men than ten random young Western women. Therefore, if someone comes to an Asian country, and finds a girlfriend which is pretty likely, given the number of women in Asian countries , then that girl will most likely be hotter than the girls the guy could have chosen back in his home country.

I live in China, and I know plenty of cool, jock dudes from the West who had no problems getting chicks back home, but they still go for the local girls and largely ignore the white girls. Why do you think we go abroad? Laughably high self-expectations Jennifer Anniston? Give me a break. Also, why date a self centered, self-absorbed American women when you could have a sweet and caring Japanese girl? Please stop generalizing Japanese women and NA women. The author is talking about her experiences in Japan from her point of view.

I have lived in Japan for 5 years and I can tell you that it IS in fact, easier for a white male to get a date then a white female. The probable reason for this is that women in NA tend to expect to be approached. Whereas, in Japan the current trend is for the women including Japanese women to do the confessing. Also, I find that culturally speaking, the dating process can be a lot more old-fashined and slow.

For example, one time I was in the classroom grading some papers at my desk and I happen to be surrounded by 6 or 7 high school males looking in on what I was doing.

Your co-workers, fellow club members will often try to hook you up with someone else who is single. Nice to meet you. Also, this is going to sound crude, but it really helps if you have big brests and are a teensy bit curvy. If you ever watch Japanese porn or glance at porn mags in the convenience store, the girls tend to be a bit curvy not fat, but soft looking and have big boobs.

I loved the blog post and have read most of the comments. Having lived in Tokyo for 7 years most of the dialogue here is all too familiar! Rather than add anything to the age old debate on charisma man vs gaijin woman all I can do is tell it how it was for me. I arrived in Japan in my 30s, and dated mostly Japanese men for the entire time I lived there.

The two longer term relationships I had were with a European and J-guy. Great article, and the comments reflect the ongoing debate I got used to during my seven years in Tokyo. I love Japanese men, it took about three months to feel that way, just as soon as good old Mother Nature got to work! Being in my 30s and divorced when I arrived may have made a difference to my experiences. Two Japanese and one European. Some people are way too shy to speak, and that language barrier is a major factor as others have said.

Some guys want to tick something off their sexual bucket list, as do many foreign women too of course. I met several Japanese men looking for a serious relationship, others who were confirmed singletons. I also dated mostly younger guys, which was an interesting turn about for me! I could ramble on about this topic forever but now is not the time.

Thanks again for posting your experiences. This is an awesome read which mirrors every day of my invisibility from the age of 16 until now as a man in my home country, the US. I believe anyone intending to live in a foreign country long-term and also some shorter-terms should expect to truely learn about a different culture and respect them. Learn their language, do what they do, and everyone will be better for it. By that they mean looking and acting more like Japanese women. The best relationship I had happened because we were already a great match, there was no need to force it.

Have you single ladies ever asked yourself why Japanese women have different standards than American or Western women? The biggest problem is the social structure and the inherent chauvinism. Most of the foreign women I knew ended up dating other expats, from anywhere from Europe to Africa. In my travels through Latin America, I have had to work hard to not be in the center of male attention wherever I go … not successfully, mind you, because foreign women stick out.

Reannon — I read your interesting article. Our family friend is an expat single white female in China. It is almost impossible for her to get a date. Coming to a foreign country from their perspective they find it almost impossible to fit into your western culture, and quite frankly, no American white girl wants to date them, no matter how persistently they approach them.

Unfortunately, this kind of stuff just proves to me that love between an Asian man and a White female, whether in Japan, America, or any other place, is so rare that you might as well not even bother.

By the way, Asian men absolutely adore White women. My other Asian friends gave up the interracial dating scene a very long time ago, when the th rejection got to be just too much to bear. I have lived in Japan for two years and it IS easier for Caucasian men to get dates than for Caucasian women. You get no attention at all! You also look very unpolished compared to the dolled-up Japanese girls… yikes! I think its just you sweetheart you cant get a man back home and in Asia.

Look at these responses! Roth, welcome to the feeling of being unwanted and unattractive. Many guys in the U. Welcome to the club! The dating rules and culture are very different here. Plus the prize of Japanese boyfriend may not be what you were expecting. There are masses of hot young Western men in Tokyo for me to choose from.

If you use the internet. Are you a Charisma Man perhaps? I came to Japan for business I meet a beautiful Japanese lady the first day in Japan we fell in love and got married and now I live in Tokyo. You say you are average or a cute lady for US. Your chances of getting a date are nearly zero among so many beautiful desirable Japanese ladies.

Its true I got a more beautiful wife here than I had in US, you call it a dating loop hole, reality is US is a dating cesspool, I always thought I was way to good for most American woman, I dress well, work out a lot have a great education and good job, most US woman dress like slobs or sluts are fat and lazy, if they have a college education its useless like french or something.

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